You’ve Lost Nothing

When any relationship ends, the first thing most people assess is how much they invested in those relationships. It could be a work relationship where you dedicated a good part of your life and talent working for an organization. It could be a friendship, marriage, courtship, business or any other human relationship that helps you to thrive in your world.

Unfortunately, not all of these relationships blossom into what we envisaged them to be initially. It is common to see people walk away and then one is tempted to be bitter after evaluating how much of yourself you poured into that workplace or relationship or partnership.

In my coaching sessions, I have had to dispel such views repeatedly. We are a sum total of our experiences, good, bad and ugly. Yes it is true that we might be served with a raw deal at least once in our lifetime but it all depends on our perspective. You got a tad wiser and because of that can help someone else on their journey or because of that you are able to recognize healthy relationships and value them. You have learnt to love yourself in a healthy way and not throw yourself into situations where you are not appreciated anymore. You have learnt in a beautiful way not to cast your pearls before swine. So something positive came out of a horrendous situation.

The way you see your situation informs your response to it and how well you heal or bounce back. Rehashing negative circumstances over and over and over does not serve one well.

People have a basic human right to make their own choices in life and we do not have control over the kind of choice they will make. Secondly, these rights come with obligations/consequences. The law of Karma like the law of gravity works perfectly whether the person involves believes in it or not. Now back to the hurt and pain; you are hurting because you feel used by a friend, family member, organization or ex-spouse. Worse still you feel like they are winning and you are the one left to pick up the pieces. You dedicated yourself to a job and they throw you out like discarded mango seed without a thought and in some cases without proper severance package. You helped to build the business from scratch and invested so much of time you could have spent with your family into it.

You had this friend you will do anything for. You are there for him/her whenever they need you; you have been a real friend and then unexpectedly they betray you or dump you or do something very ridiculous.

You love your family and would do anything for them, but they do not know how to love you back so they keep taking and taking from you, the one time you decide to look after yourself and tend to your needs, all hell broke loose and you hurt like crazy.

This person promised you heaven on earth; he/she promised to marry you and then decided against it and was too cowardly to even face you with their decision. They broke it off with a text message or on social media.

You gave your all for your marriage to work, you sacrificed yourself, your finances, your all to ensure the marriage works and your spouse did not only turn their back on you; but in an attempt to justify their ridiculous actions they try to tarnish your image along with everything else that is happening as if walking away is not painful enough. Your in-laws who you were kind to, have taken sides with your spouse and are behaving as if you are not human. Some even try to turn the children against you; so in addition to trying to manage what is happening, you now have to deal with children who have attitude.

Your now ex-spouse who you have endured through all the drama and just kept a positive demeanor throughout is now doing everything possible to ruin your peace of mind and that of the children.

You took in domestic help and treated them like family only for them to pay you back with so much pain on so many levels.

You feel used and cheated. You think you have wasted your resources in all these circumstances. You have decided you will not be kind to any human being again! Pause. You will sabotage yourself if you put all humans in the same box. You never know the beauty that awaits you if you can keep an open mind in spite off.

My piece to you is you have NOT lost ANYTHING. See I am not trying to trivalise what happened to you. No…no…no…no…… they just sowed a seed that they will receive an abundance of harvest for. One thing about the law of Karma (the law of sowing and reaping) is that when you sow one seed you reap in multiples. For instance if you plant tomatoes, you do not get only one tomato on the tree, you reap so many tomatoes.

So this is why I can assure you that you have lost nothing. When you were busy planting good seeds, they were busy planting bad seeds, both of you will reap an abundance of whatever it is that you’ve sown. I understand that right now it might not feel that way because life is staring you in the face with all the ‘could haves’ and ‘should have’ conversations that you are perhaps having with yourself. But trust me if you are able to take the steps necessary to heal yourself of the pain and hurt you are feeling right now, and try to process all that has happened or is happening differently. You will realise that even though it might seem like a raw deal is been handed you, because you made positive decisions in the past and did good, that will come back to you, pressed down, shaken together and running over. So let go of all the negative emotions so that you can reap an abundance of all the beautiful things that you have planted.

Bitterness and unforgiveness work like a choked passage which will block your abundance, trust the process and let go!

You’ve lost NOTHING!

@Emefa Gadze August 2017

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