As the pandemic rages and clearly exhausted leaders around the world find ways to grapple with it, I am just filled with much gratitude to all categories of people who have helped us visibly and in the background to stay afloat and hopeful.

  1. I have found great comfort in gleaning so much wisdom from preachers in this season as almost all preaching is online. I have been incredibly blessed by my own church family and our community online. The dedication and commitment of these pastors and church workers who are also going through the same season as we are is heartwarming. They are doing this whiles dealing with their own personal fears, challenges, and losses in this where there’s been so many loss of lives and the future uncertain. This genuine ones continue to stay committed to the welfare of their congregants.

These churches do not only feed the spirit some serve as buffer for people who need community support for whatever they might be enduring at this time. Some do grocery deliveries to those who need it the most.

Medical professionals, Healthcare workers and all people who work at hospitals have been overworked, put their families at risk, lost their own lives, died living devastated families and orphaned children. This group have worked in harsh conditions where PPES are not available or not sufficient for the influx of Covid-19 cases. They are constantly exhausted, depressed and at their wits end especially in environments where their efforts at saving lives are not supported which relevant policy and the availability of resources.

Mental health professionals, counselors and healers have seen a surge in providing support for many people as the isolation, chaos, fear, uncertainty of what the future holds have kept people triggered, opened hidden wounds and caused clients to nerd more support at this time.

Marriage counselors/therapist have been called on more now than ever as marriages are in need of attention as many couples have been forced to confront issues they usually sweep under the carpet if they want their marriages to last.

Family life lawyers are in demand as many couples have had to face the reality of ending bad marriages.

Comedians and people who provide comic and goodnews providers online have become a favorite as people seek temporary relief from the dire day to day realities.

Coaching is in demand as many people are seeking direction in pivoting their businesses online, navigating professional and personal lives or staying focused on their goals. As lockdowns and isolation increase, many have had to reach out to coaches for guidance at negotiating the online dating space to find love.

Funeral services providers have been inundated by the sheer demands of their services.

Musicians and various creative artists have played their roles in keeping moral high providing us temporary escapes.

Corporate leaders and other leaders in the world of work some who have already had let go of their employees, bearing the burden that their families will be gravely affected. Many have sleepless nights trying to figure out ways to keep their organizations afloat and profitable so they do not have to let go people.

Teachers, school administrators and educators around the world who have to keep their students engaged online. Other teachers don’t even have the tools so have to use other creative means to reach their students. The ones who are back in person school inspite of their fear of exposure to the virus

I am sure there are many more category of people I have not covered in this post. What is common among this category of people is they are not immune to the pandemic themselves yet are extending themselves to ensure that their constituents have some relief.

I join the many who have gone before me to say thank you for using your gifts, platforms, time to do your uplift us all.

I see your efforts and our world inspite of a pandemic is better for it.

I invite you not to neglect yourself in the process of taking care of the world around you. Its important you focus on your selfcare too which is an integral part of selflove. As much as I am celebrating you, I’m also asking that you don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm. We need you to stay healthy and safe because you are priceless and the world needs more of you alive, sane and well.

What is disturbing about ‘Love Your Neighbour As Yourself’

I have been thinking about this scripture so much lately and what it means regards human relations in every area of our lives.

We casually throw this statement about but it’s one that is very deep and multi-faceted.

I have been guilty of touting this as the best way of navigating relationships as well. So why the sudden change. It struck me that ‘love your neighbour as yourself’ is a major reason why the problem of dysfunctional relationships exist.

The very statement assumes that everyone has mastery in loving themselves in a healthy way; which we know is not the case in many cases.

Having a healthy selflove is rooted in the ability of being self-aware. Self awareness requires that you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses which enables you to draw healthy boundaries, and practice effective self-leadership as a result. When you are aware of what your make up is, it enables you to know how to nourish yourself which is part of self love.

Once you stay loving yourself in the way you need to uniquely consistently, you navigate life refreshed, full and overflowing in your spirit, soul, mind and body. Its only then that a person can extend what is already overflowing in them to another because people can only give what they have.

Making time to get to know yourself to know how to love yourself is a sign of self- worthiness . It is when we are awakened to the fact that we are worthy that we become intentional at selflove. And more often than not, people who live from a place of worthiness are able to place priceless value on another human being and love them as much as they love themselves.

Bottom line, more often than not the way we show love to people is a reflection on how we love ourselves and our sense of worthiness.

How are you loving your neighbour in this season of your life? What does that say about you?

Hope

Hope

When we lose hope we become easy prey for oppressors: both physical and spiritual.

My prayer for us all in this season is that God grants us the grace and inner strength to continuously be hopeful no matter what.

That we create communities where when we feel hopeless, we will be lifted by the hope we see in others. Hope has been the Single factor that has pulled many out of unthinkable situations to places of complete liberation and rest.

Let’s acknowledge the pain, hurt, confusion, and the feelings of helplessness/hopelessness; release those and be intentional at guarding our hope.

Hope creates the foundation we need to build what we want to see. Hope enables us to see. Hope enables us to dream. Hope enables us to identify the good. Hope enables us to see stinking situations as manure that can be used to fertilize and realize a beautiful dream.

Hope keeps the atmosphere open and ready for the manifestation of what might seem impossible. Hope enables us to keep taking care of ourselves and putting one foot forward after another because in our minds eye we can see a better tomorrow so we stay preparing for it so that once what our mind sees manifests, we can be in a good place to step fully into it to play our part with excellence.

Hopefull people never lose. Refuse to lose by being quietly or loudly hopeful. Guard against surrendering to hopelessness… It spirals quickly into something else. Even though you can’t see it or feel it hope is been an age old powerful force responsible for creating powerful positive shifts in people, places and situations that were otherwise hopeless.

Never underestimate the power of hope. After you have done all… stand in quiet/loud hope.

RefuseToLose #StandingInQuietHope #Unstoppable #ItsMyBeautifulSeason #ItsYourBeautifulSeason #ItsABeautifulSeason

Kobe Bryant’s Exit and Legacy

As movie nights have become a thing in our home, my son suggested we watch a movie last Sunday night. Armed with popcorn my son made we settled down to have an entertaining evening. So I found it odd when he went into his room in the middle of the movie without a word.

I gave it a few minutes and followed up to find out what was up. That was when he mentioned the notification on his phone regards Kobe Bryant’s death. Oh I don’t envy parents whose children are involved in the sports world this week. I sat down and hugged him. He was in shock. We were in shock. We talked about it for a bit and I left him to process.

I guess I was fielding off the pain that I knew was going to hit but when I later read that his daughter Gianna was with him, I let the pain hit for real, it engulfed me from head to my toes. I was numb with pain. My mind and heart hugged this wife who has lost both hubby and daughter in a moment.

And it didn’t help that news came in that 7 others were on board. The pain of this horrendous loss to the Bryant, Altobelli, Chester, Mauser and Zobayan families can never be compared to what the rest of the world feel because they are literally living this nightmare neither does it invalidate our pain.

I struggled to sleep that night as so many questions flooded my mind. I wondered how God will allow this to happen to such dedicated family people. I thought of all the deadbeat dads and Irresponsible husbands and moms who don’t care for their families and couldn’t comprehend.

Of course intellectually I knew that death is no respector of persons and death is eminent and part of life but emotions don’t make sense always and mine didn’t.

These are times that I’m thankful for my belief in the same God I questioned because when my mind cannot make sense of happenings, I leave it to His sovereignty and trust that He will make good of this mess as only He can. He is the only person who specializes in turning horrendous unthinkable situations into some good.

It’s happening already. We’ve all been reminded again how important it is to live life intentionally loving on one another because all we have is the present. To live life responsibly, make an impact and leave a legacy.

‘The full length of a frog is seen only in its death’ is a Ghanaian proverb which indicates that we only see the full impact a person has had after they die is true in Kobe Bryant’s case.

In a world that is still recovering from the devastating effects of the lack of inclusion of the family system in professional spaces, it is a breath of fresh air that successful male figures like Kobe has left a legacy of being an involved father and loving husband. He was a loving friend and involved uncle. His tribe felt his love and care.

In the wake of his death the hash tag #GirlDad is trending; there’s an emphasis also on him as the wonderful family man he was, as much as an iconic basket ball player and accomplished business man.

Kobe has shown us that with the willingness to put in the work and evolve, it is possible to win in both family and professional spaces. And that is what most of us aspire to.

May our God who is able to do the impossible heal Vanessa Bryant and her girls and all the beautiful families grieving.
May their death not be in vain.

My reflections on the Eisenhower Fellowship Africa Conference which took place in Kigali, Rwanda from 14th to 16th June 2019

It was a very insightful experience at the just ended EFA2019.  It was exciting to be part of discussions focusing on moving the continent forward but the question remains will the human capital needed to implement all the laudable ideas will be able to have the emotional, psychological and mental fortitude needed in addition to all the other skills to push forward such laudable agendas?

Currently the statistics of young people in Africa is 70% below the age of 21.  What are the experiences of these young people?  How many of them have stable homes as strong foundations?  How many of these young people have positive, impactful father figures to guide them in their daily lives or to help them navigate interesting life situations? Speaking to delegates and fellows at the just ended EFA2019 made it crystal clear that we have a social crises looming on our continent; they all spoke about the rampant problem of irresponsible fatherhood in their respective countries. My work with Single Parents Families in my country Ghana, coupled with all the stories from the other delegates confirms the fact that, we have a fatherhood crises looming in Africa and we need strategic intentional steps to tackle the issue.

Granted there are many wonderful fathers and father figures who are doing amazing work but the numbers are woefully low and beggars more attention in this area.  Africa has in a total of the last 50 or more years in different parts, have had many pockets of civil wars causing political instability in many countries across the globe. Many families were scattered as a result of these wars and many fathers lost their lives. Family life as they knew it was disrupted, leaving behind its trail a number of fatherless, orphaned and traumatised young people in their wake whose only memory of life as they knew it in their formative years is chaos.  Then there is the category that is orphaned because their parents died during the confusion of the HIV Aids epidemic outbreak when there was so much misinformation and an absence of the antiretroviral drugs in the beginning and many people as a result died leaving behind their children.  Not too long ago Ebola also wiped out many parents who left behind orphaned children.

The extended family system as we knew it is fast disappearing.  The stability of the extended family system which provided a safety net and a sense of belonging to children in situations as I described above is not as dependable anymore due to harsh economic realities and the influence of western cultures, many people nowadays tend to focus on their nuclear families.  This means that, the young people who hitherto had the guardianship of Uncles, Grandfathers and other elders in the family who had oversight over them are now left to their own devices and are left to ‘raise’ themselves leading to the rise in child homelessness and streetism.

Irresponsible fatherhood is also on the increase due to many factors, either fathers are ill equipped or they are running away from responsibility, to just plain abandoning their children after their relationship with the mothers go south.  In a recent rough survey I did to access the situation of fathers who remain in the lives of their children after a breakup, it turns out about 70% of fathers just abandon ship.  What this means is that the mothers are left to single-handedly raise these children, most of the time without any family support or social protection.  This becomes a big drain on the overall wellbeing and wholeness on mothers raising these children as they strive to provide, financial, emotional, moral, educational, etc support for themselves and their children.  Thankfully there are many success stories as some of these mothers raise really fine children. But it cannot be denied that many of these children fall through the cracks and do not thrive the way they would have, had they had strong support systems and guidance.

The ripple effects of irresponsible fatherhood is felt by everyone from the child to the mother, the community, the countries and eventually the continent.  We lose out on the full participation of everyone because human capital which could have been harnessed for development is labouring under the burden of providing for her children and most often than not does not have any more energy left to contribute to the larger society the way she would have had her circumstances been less dire.

For the development agenda of the African continent to succeed in this era and beyond, we cannot afford but to start having conversations surrounding strengthening the family systems in a way that will create a more stable and productive society. We will need deliberate and strategic steps to tackle this issue.  For instance, I found out that Rwanda as a way of integrating young people and children orphaned by the war into the society, adopted a system where these children were assimilated into families so they can have a sense of family and belonging.

We will need to look at existing policies in our countries, update and implement them to bring irresponsible fathers to book.  We can initiate conversations in our communities and at a national level that urge capable father figures to step in as mentors to the children who need it.  We also need to build the capacity of the single parent families by making available resources such as, appropriate conflict resolution that allows those who can, to successfully co-parent, counselling and therapy services to positively boost their mental and emotional health, skills development and training and other resources as may be needed per demography to help them raise well-balanced children because the state should have a vested interest in these children because they are the ones who will drive the next level development agenda of Africa.

Putting in place a fatherhood movement where fathers’ capacity are built to understand their role as fathers and the impact the neglect of this all important role has on both the nuclear family, community and the overall development agenda of Africa. This is important because of the gap that was created by family disruptions through wars, disease, economic situations etc, there is a generation of fathers now who were fatherless themselves and so just do not have the idea of how to be responsible dads.

For the African continent to be able to implement all the beautiful ideas discussed at the just ended #EFA2019 and thrive, we cannot continue to have development discussions without a focus on the family system and the way the next generation is being parented, and the effect the neglect is having on their psyche and their total well-being and how that is going to inform their decision making which will largely affect the future of Africa.

The current state of affairs is not sustainable and constitutes violence against women and children as the burden is left solely on the mothers to raise the future of Africa, which tells on their overall well-being and wholeness. The children are also deprived of having the positive influence of fathers and many of whom end up being raised in financial and relational poverty.

What, then, must we do about this? The first step is to acknowledge that we have a problem and to shed the persistent cultural indifference to the father absence issue that we have on the continent. We must by all means continue the discussions on business, technology, intra-trade, future of work, but also be intentional at bringing to the table, social issues surrounding the family which are critical to affecting the success of the implementation of the development agenda regards the future of Africa. It will be detrimental to the future of Africa if we neglect to address the issue of the ever increasing single parent homes and what has become the legacy of irresponsible fatherhood and fatherlessness; it has the high probability of affecting our ability to develop our full potential as a continent due to its ripple effects.

Let’s bear in mind that a society is only as strong and vibrant as its people and families.

Emefa Gadze – EFA2019 Delegate

Founder, Single Parents Support Network (Accra, Ghana)

16th July 2019