Tag: Co-Parenting

Some ways to help single parents in your circle.

In my over 13 years of single parenting, I have observed that many people would love to be of assistance to Single Parents if only they know how best to help. So here are a few suggestions of how to help.

  1. Be determined to be a positive voice in the life of both the parent and child/ children.
  1. If you must comment on their parenting please do so in love and not in the presence of their children. God divinely ordained parenting to be done by two parents but most times circumstances thrust people into solo parenting so the least you can do is be a positive voice not of condemnation.
  1. Sometimes offer to babysit. And let them know where the best deals are in town. Also offer to help with errands.
  1. If you are a man who genuinely is interested in helping out a single mum financially, please find ways to do that without demanding amorous favors. The reward God has for you is much more than anything a human being can offer you in return for your kindness. Alternatively you can help her through SPSN (Single Parents Support Network) and we will be glad to facilitate that for you after an agreement has been reached. Many times well meaning people start to help and then the relationship turns south complicating matters.
  1. Desist from judging these parents harshly you do not know their full story! Also do not punish the children for the sins of their parents. Create a nurturing environment for them to thrive.
  1. I observed that male children of single mums cringe when people call them mama’s boy. Since they did not choose their circumstance, kindly call them by their names or simply, young man and leave them with a positive comment. Let us commit to building up these angels not tearing them down.
  1. Be a great role model. Model good/godly behavior in front of their children and treat their parents with respect.
  1. Please do not speak negatively of the absent parent in front of the children. This hurts the children. Children love both parents and usually have conflicting feelings about the absentee/neglectful parent. Speaking ill of them in front of these children is like turning a knife in their wounds.
  1. Always remember that parenting is a journey not a destination. Let us desist from labeling these children for momentary wrongdoings. Find appropriate ways to discipline the child and keep loving/respecting them.
  1. You can outright ask how you can be of help.  Gift cards for grocery shopping and/or to the spa for that haircut/hairdo, massage, pedicure, manicure, bookshop can be life saver.
  2. Remember them in prayer always and frequently ask for their prayer needs.
  3. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child. So your actions and in-actions carry more weight than you will ever know.

These are just a few pointers that can greatly help you to be of tremendous support to a single parent family in your church, family, workplace and neighbourhood.

Have a blessed week!

Emefa Gadze

God Is Your Source

 

How often do we blame people for not providing our needs? I mean relational, material, social, financial needs etc.

As many times as we read the bible and see all the promises in there for us, as many times as we actually experience God’s divine intervention in our lives, as human as were are, we are still prone to putting our trust in people to fulfill our needs.

I have found that there is nothing as liberating as coming to the revelation knowledge of God as your Source. When you see God as your Source, it changes your whole attitude and your perception of life. You no longer look to man (human beings) to fulfill your needs and neither do you get upset when those you feel are obligated in a way fail to fulfill their obligations or promises. You work out of your heart whether the employer is appreciative or not, you love your family and do your part whether they reciprocate or not, infact your actions are no longer reactive, but proactive. Your actions or inactions are not determined by what someone does or does not do.

Prov. 21:1 says ‘The heart of the King is in the hand of the Lord and he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases” NIV.   This means it is only God who can touch the heart of any man (human being) to act favourably towards you. This means, the one to look up to with absolute trust is God not Greg or Kojo or that Director who was supposed to have given you that contract.

Jeremaiah. 17:5-6 (NIV)

5 This is what the LORD says:

   “Cursed is the one who trusts in man,

   who draws strength from mere flesh

   and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

6 That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;

   they will not see prosperity when it comes.

They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,

   in a salt land where no one lives.

It is not surprising we go through such excruciating and unnecessary pain whenever someone especially the other parent disappoints us by not keeping to promises made to us or even to the children.

Jeremaiah. 17:7&8 (NIV)

7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,

   whose confidence is in him.

8 They will be like a tree planted by the water

   that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

   its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

   and never fails to bear fruit.”

Psalm 125:1 says ‘Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever’

The snare often is, whenever God touches a person’s heart to act favorably towards us, we shift our focus from God our Source to the vessel of the blessing. This is a form of idolatory and God who is a jealous God start fighting us because He refuses to share his glory with anyone! We are to be very appreciative of the vessels of blessings in our lives but wary of turning them into gods.

It is my heart desire that we will continually choose to let go of all the people and organizations who in our opinion have let us down one way or the other and walk in the liberty of focusing on God as our only Source.

All we need to do is make that very important decision and ask God to grant us the grace to continually walk in this revelation.

It works, it really works. The peace is inexplicable and the joy is complete.

Have a very blessed Weekend

Emefa