Kobe Bryant’s Exit and Legacy

As movie nights have become a thing in our home, my son suggested we watch a movie last Sunday night. Armed with popcorn my son made we settled down to have an entertaining evening. So I found it odd when he went into his room in the middle of the movie without a word.

I gave it a few minutes and followed up to find out what was up. That was when he mentioned the notification on his phone regards Kobe Bryant’s death. Oh I don’t envy parents whose children are involved in the sports world this week. I sat down and hugged him. He was in shock. We were in shock. We talked about it for a bit and I left him to process.

I guess I was fielding off the pain that I knew was going to hit but when I later read that his daughter Gianna was with him, I let the pain hit for real, it engulfed me from head to my toes. I was numb with pain. My mind and heart hugged this wife who has lost both hubby and daughter in a moment.

And it didn’t help that news came in that 7 others were on board. The pain of this horrendous loss to the Bryant, Altobelli, Chester, Mauser and Zobayan families can never be compared to what the rest of the world feel because they are literally living this nightmare neither does it invalidate our pain.

I struggled to sleep that night as so many questions flooded my mind. I wondered how God will allow this to happen to such dedicated family people. I thought of all the deadbeat dads and Irresponsible husbands and moms who don’t care for their families and couldn’t comprehend.

Of course intellectually I knew that death is no respector of persons and death is eminent and part of life but emotions don’t make sense always and mine didn’t.

These are times that I’m thankful for my belief in the same God I questioned because when my mind cannot make sense of happenings, I leave it to His sovereignty and trust that He will make good of this mess as only He can. He is the only person who specializes in turning horrendous unthinkable situations into some good.

It’s happening already. We’ve all been reminded again how important it is to live life intentionally loving on one another because all we have is the present. To live life responsibly, make an impact and leave a legacy.

‘The full length of a frog is seen only in its death’ is a Ghanaian proverb which indicates that we only see the full impact a person has had after they die is true in Kobe Bryant’s case.

In a world that is still recovering from the devastating effects of the lack of inclusion of the family system in professional spaces, it is a breath of fresh air that successful male figures like Kobe has left a legacy of being an involved father and loving husband. He was a loving friend and involved uncle. His tribe felt his love and care.

In the wake of his death the hash tag #GirlDad is trending; there’s an emphasis also on him as the wonderful family man he was, as much as an iconic basket ball player and accomplished business man.

Kobe has shown us that with the willingness to put in the work and evolve, it is possible to win in both family and professional spaces. And that is what most of us aspire to.

May our God who is able to do the impossible heal Vanessa Bryant and her girls and all the beautiful families grieving.
May their death not be in vain.

Fatherhood Is Sacred

If you are a father, I will like to remind you that you owe this earth a duty to father your children in a way that they do not end up with Daddy hurts. What are daddy hurts? Daddy hurts are invincible wounds that a person carries as a result of the ignorance, neglect, abuse, carelessness and absence of their father in their lives. These individuals go through life feeling inadequate because of the lack of validation from a dad. It affects their self-esteem, their ability to break out and excel, they struggle to maintain thriving relationships and they go through life most often feeling less than irrespective of how much success they attain in life. As a father your duty well done, heals society and advances nations. Your job is not an easy one at all, it is critical to building a civil, progressive and productive society.

When a man is been loved and validated by his father, he has a healthy sense of self and is well-balanced internally, knows his purpose on earth and is focused and happy in what he believes he is called to, he is not threatened by the success of his wife or any other woman around him. He goes out into the world ready to conquer and help anyone, male or female who is willing to take the world by storm without feeling intimidated.

When a woman is been well loved and validated by her father, she carries herself with dignity, she is confident in herself and her abilities, her relationships are rich and she is careful to choose the company she keeps because she knows her worth. Research has confirmed over and over again that many women at a certain level at the top have been found to be daddy’s girls. She thrives where ever she goes because she does not carry emotional and psychological baggage. Because of that she is more able to conquer the world.

Here is an example of how to affirm and validate your children; an excerpt of what TD Jakes publicly said to her daughter Sarah Jakes Roberts

”I am proud of you
I am proud of what you are doing
I am proud of who you are on the earth
I am proud of who you are in the kingdom
I am proud to say you are my daughter
I am proud to honour you and to recognise you and to see the bud blossom and bringing forth food not just to you but to your children and children’s chidren.
And the gift that I give you today is a gift that so many people dont get.
I cannot control what you will face in life, I dont know what the future will bring for you. but you will not be one of those girls growing up in the world wondering what her father thought about her.
I think you are amazing, I think you are spectacular, I think you are uniquely special and I love you to life”

When her father had finished telling her this, she had no words, just a big wide grin on her face and tears in her eyes.

Fathers, you are precious, you are critical to solving a lot of ills on this planet that are caused most often by broken people. People who did not get the right conditioning and love in their early years who now have become a liability on this earth.

Kudos to the exceptional fathers who are hands on with their children and even better extending a hand to father other children who are not theirs biologically.

Love your children well. If you do not know how, please learn how to to do it. There are many examples of men who did not have great fathers themselves who have become exceptional at fatherhood.

One clue to being a great dad, is treating your child’s mother with respect and honour.

Own Your Being

 

A few Sundays ago I was at the reception of a hotel out of Accra, waiting for a friend. It was a small countryside hotel and receptionist had stepped out briefly. The manager walked into the space I was in, my head was buried in a magazine, he greeted, I lifted my head and responded and went back to my reading. The next thing he said was, you have such a commanding voice….I looked up at him, wasnt sure how to respond…I had many questions for him….like, can you help me understand what you mean by that statement? etc…but I caught myself, smiled, nodded at him because I was genuinely at a loss for words and went back to my reading…determined not to start any conversation because my instincts knew where that was going.

I do not remember any time in my entire existence that my voice did not serve as a threat to another being. It got to a point, I had a joke among my inner circle which went…’I am for peace but when I speak they are for war’ ..thankfully I am not the type of person who tries to reduce herself to fit into any stereotypical ideals. I have two voices, one is deep and one is feminine, depending on only God knows what any of them chooses to come out at any given time and I do not have control over that….ouch.

Secondly I am very confident woman, having had the influence of a very strong Dad early on in life, the moral support of uncles and brothers who affirmed me along the way, I know no other way of being than to be confident. Granted life happened time and time again, kicked the very life out of me and I was convinced I was not going to come back from this blow, but I kept surprising myself by the grace of God, digging myself out of whichever hole it is and bit by bit gaining my confidence back.

I have come to realise that my voice, confidence and general personality can be intimidating to a person even before I open my mouth. It bothered me for a long time how people misunderstood me generally until it got to a time where it didnt matter anymore. I told myself, I will not be accountable for the conclusions people arrive at because of my voice literally and my voice figuratively. I chose not to apologise for my persona anymore because it is a priceless gift to be bold, confident and empathetic. I accepted myself fully, completely warts and all. It means that my passion about issues will be misunderstood sometimes but then every now and then I realised that there is a group that heard me beyond my literal voice, they hear my heart and that kept growing and growing over the years.
Then I realised I was called to a particular people, not to everybody. I was tailor-made to be a voice to particular people across the globe and I have not looked back since.

Now back to the gentleman at the reception who commented about my commanding voice…I chose to ignore because I needed my energy for the people I am tailor made for. For the people who are and will be grateful that I inhabit the earth….there’s work to do, there is a legacy to leave and the work sometimes can be daunting so I chose to rest so I can have the energy to war more purposefully another day.

To that girl or woman who is always being taunted for having a powerful, commanding voice and a very intimidating presence, remember you didnt create yourself. God in his infinite wisdom chose to create you this way and we both know He had a reason for creating each of us with our beautiful differences and uniqueness. I hope you never lose your voice and great persona, diminishing yourself because of people who cannot grasp the greatness that is you.

Remember, you are tailor-made for a people whose destinies are tied to yours. This is not entirely about you. You needed to be the way you are to be able to fulfill your God given purpose. Don’t loose your essence, keep overcoming so that you can use that powerful voice and ‘intimidating’ persona for good.

Hugs to all my #TooLoud, #TooKnown, #TooMuch ladies out there….keep using your voice for good.

#OwnYourBeing #YoureMadeForMore #DontLooseYourEssence #PursuePurpose #UseYourvoiceForGood
#TheExecutiveLifeCoach

The In-law Factor and Lack of Boundaries in Marriage

 

The wedding season has began and many people are preparing to get married before the end of the year well into February the next year.

If your partner is the type who is not able to set boundaries with parents and family members now, please think twice before you commit.

No amount of love, is able to prevent the calamity that arises from lack of boundaries from family in marriage. And if you are not able to stand the heat, you might end up divorced and probably with hurting children in the mix afterwards.

This matter that is seldom spoken about is very, very major in marriage and causes a lot of heartache. Marriage is already not easy even for the best marriages. Then you add to the mix a spouse who does not understand where to draw the line when it comes to his or her family, is recipe for disaster.

The most painful thing to experience as a spouse in such situations is to see the person you love, respect and hold in high esteem become like a helpless child in the face of their family, sometimes resentful about the position they in but convinced they are powerless about finding a solution. Leaving you in a place of resentment and constant chaos… It’s not a great place to be.

No matter how polished, rich educated, fine etc they are, it will never compensate for the pain and chaos that spouse brings because of the lack of sense of boundaries when it comes to their family or their refusal to do anything about it.

Sometimes, I wonder why we don’t often hear sermons about this silent epidemic in marriages especially in our setting, considering how we seem to hate divorce more than God himself and stigmatize people especially women who go through with it.

If we abhor divorce then we must start tackling other root causes that we refuse to talk about.

Dear person about to marry, open your eyes, don’t ignore redflags, you have the power of choice, use it wisely.

Back To School Season – A Note To Dads

 

If you are a dad, who is dragging their feet to pay your dues this back to school season, as your children need many new things from school fees to uniforms, books, transportation, homework help, emotional support, lunch and snack fees, hostel fees, groceries etc remember it is your child who feels the pain the most, not your ex when you abandon your duties as a father.

Please get a grip on yourself and focus on that child. Children never forget. We’ve all heard many childhood stories from adults about how their parents treated them when they were most capable. These negative stories must be disrupted for more positive ones.

For those who complain that the exes are using the children to extort money from them, sometimes I wish more single mums will find the courage to leave their children with their fathers to take care of them 24/7 so they know what the deal truly is. That as much as some of them might be contributing financially, this thing of being primary custodial parent, goes beyond money (that most times is not even enough or is not even coming from the dad at all). It means bringing all of you to the table and it does not help when the ex is doing the most to just cause trouble. In the end sadly, it’s the children who suffer.

No matter how much you hate your ex wife or girlfriend, being an adult requires that, you step out of your feelings and look at things objectively. If you are really able to do that, you will see how much she is doing her best to bring up both your children and sometimes even her step-children, children you brought into the relationship but she embraced so much that now that the relationship is over, she is still caring for them.

Your ex might not be perfect, but learn to show appreciation for what they do for the overall well-being of the children.

Why Is The Responsible Parent The One We Choose To Shame?

 

Our society’s attempt to shame single mums especially divorced and never married mums is laughable to say the least!

People get shocked when you present yourself as a proud and happy single mum. Why should I bow my head in shame when God in His infinite wisdom chose to entrust a whole human being in my care?

Why should I be ashamed for finding the courage to birth my child in my unmarried state, in a so judgemental society!? Why should I be ashamed for choosing Life for my child/children?

Why should I be the one who should be ashamed for walking out of an abusive marriage?

Why should I be the one who should be ashamed for being divorced by a man who felt I wasn’t good enough for him despite me putting my all into it?

Why should I be the one who should be ashamed even though I bear 70 to 100% of providing and raising these gifts of children to be fruitful and decent human beings?

Why should I be the one who should bow my head in shame when most often than not, I’m the responble parent?

Why are you so shocked I am not ashamed to wear the Crown of being a single mom/parent with great pride and joy?

Do you want me to be ashamed of my child/children?

Do you know what I have survived? Do you know that the very thought that I’m alive, sane and thriving sends joy like a river coursing through my whole being?

Do you know that I’m a pillar in society?

Do you know that I have raised and continue to raise amazing men and women who are pillars of societies around the world?

Do you know that I have singlehandedly raised sons who are amazing husbands and fathers even though they did not have fathers themselves?

How dare you stigmatise me to perpetuate the stereotype views about Single moms/parents?

Do you have a clue, the sleepless nights I had to endure to raise these heroes and heroines?

Do you have a clue the village that worked tirelessly to ensure I got my confidence and strength back after I fell flat on my face many times along the way?

Does it make sense to shame the responsible ones who stay and raise the children and hail the irresponsible fathers who abandon ship…. well because they can and we have empowered them by our coddling silence to can?

Being surprised at my confidence and pride of being a single mum, is asking me to be ashamed of my child/children. It is asking me to diminish the sacrifice I put in to raise them. It is asking me to devalue the inputs of my village and I cannot do that.

I’m thankful for my journey. I’m thankful for joy, peace, strength and wisdom. I’m thankful for my village who lift us up daily. I’m thankful to the Almighty God for His peace and many blessings. I’m thankful because abundance is coming my/our way in many forms.

Maybe just maybe you are the one who needs to interrogate your conscience and bow your head in shame?

Haters

The way conversations and statements about haters is being thrown around these days sets off a discomfort and uneasiness in me that is being difficult to shake off.

I have had my fair share of people who do not agree with me on many levels on issues that I’m passionate about. I have had people who I thought had my back sabotage me in ways that in some ways, I’m yet to recover from. But the question remains are they haters?

Believe me when I say I have pondered over this a lot, seeking answers. I have read around a bit and wanting to understand the trending label of haters. I chanced upon this video of Tyler Perry in the Lakewood Church talking about the same subject and his explanation resonates with me more. In the message titled climb and maintain, he gives an illustration of when an aircraft takes off and is flying.

When there are people who have supported you consistently and seem to all of a sudden abandon you or now there seem to be some Form of misunderstanding, it’s not always because they are haters. It might be just that, they are just going through a rough patch themselves, it might be hormones(especially for women at a certain stage in life) itighy be that their role in your life is over and they are handing over the baton to the next person who has been designated to be with you in the next season of your lifes journey.

When you are leveling up, a new job, marriage, entrepreneural endeavor, relocation, more commitment in your faith, more committment to your goals, decision to be committed to family life etc, not every single person in your circles will understand, your changed behavior and support it. And that is okay.

I have come to understand and accept that it’s okay to be misunderstood and sometimes in the bid to explain ourselves to people who are committed to misunderstanding us, we lose ourselves along the way.

It could also mean that I might not have been communicating the right way and learn to improve on my communication skills. It could also mean that I am burnt out from all the demands regarding my decision to level up and I am also growing and adjusting in finding my feet in my new season.

It could also be that I didn’t choose a good friend from the beginning and so the new season or changes in my life has revealed that fact.

We need to have deep introspection, have honest conversations with ourselves and get to the root of issues before we start to label others as haters. In the absence of that we are prone to make the same decisions over and over again and we will be stuck with the mindset that most people are haters when we are the ones who are the common denominator in all the relationships we’ve had.

Another angle to look at this is not everyone is equipped to do the next level of life with you…..pause let that sink in. Does that make them haters? Does being ill equipped to handle something that is beyond a person’s capacity make them haters?

Other times people are also going through their own seasons of change. Seasons of change can be pretty brutal on a person. It could be an empty next, menopause, peri-menopause, a health issue, financial situation, career complications, family drama, death of a loved one etc etc. Even positive seasons of change can make a person seem unsupportive towards you.

I have lost count on how many friends and family relationships changed when they got married or relocated or got that dream job etc, etc and rightly so.
Others the overwhelm that such changes brought into their lives still remained steadfast in our relationship.

Sometimes people just outgrow us… Ouch… truth hurts right? Or we’ve just outgrown them as well. It’s healthy. I know it doesn’t feel that way right now but that’s exactly what you need.

It could also mean you are right, that the heat in your life, the purification process that is required to level up, revealed the snakes in your life. It can be brutally hurtful… but I hope we are all able to pick ourselves and heal from that, forgive and have some energy left to move on.

I hope we survive the loneliness that leveling up requires, as you build a new tribe at every stage and I hope we do the work to heal, leave the baggage behind, travel light and be able to embrace all the richness in new friendships and relationships in your new season.

It is time we begin to look within, it is time to let go of relationships that no longer serve us with grace not resentment, being grateful for the beautiful years we’ve shared. It’s time to make forgiveness a lifestyle. It is time to embrace that snakes are part of the earth’s eco-system and equip ourselves so when we find one within our circles, the discovery will not become our permanent undoing. It’s time to set a reminder that not everyone is equipped to be with us in every season of our life. It’s time to embrace being misunderstood. It’s time to set the values right when choosing our tribe. It is time to learn how to communicate well. It is time to embrace the loneliness that comes from leveling up, believing we will find those who are supposed to ride it with us. It’s time to understand that fact that majority of people we’ve labeled as haters, could it be that they are not?

Here’s to all the friends and family who choose/are equipped to stand by us through all the different seasons of life, and continue to remain fiercely loyal even though sometimes they do not understand us. Thanks for being the comfort blanket we need, the safe place that reminds us that we are worth unconditional love.

My reflections on the Eisenhower Fellowship Africa Conference which took place in Kigali, Rwanda from 14th to 16th June 2019

It was a very insightful experience at the just ended EFA2019.  It was exciting to be part of discussions focusing on moving the continent forward but the question remains will the human capital needed to implement all the laudable ideas will be able to have the emotional, psychological and mental fortitude needed in addition to all the other skills to push forward such laudable agendas?

Currently the statistics of young people in Africa is 70% below the age of 21.  What are the experiences of these young people?  How many of them have stable homes as strong foundations?  How many of these young people have positive, impactful father figures to guide them in their daily lives or to help them navigate interesting life situations? Speaking to delegates and fellows at the just ended EFA2019 made it crystal clear that we have a social crises looming on our continent; they all spoke about the rampant problem of irresponsible fatherhood in their respective countries. My work with Single Parents Families in my country Ghana, coupled with all the stories from the other delegates confirms the fact that, we have a fatherhood crises looming in Africa and we need strategic intentional steps to tackle the issue.

Granted there are many wonderful fathers and father figures who are doing amazing work but the numbers are woefully low and beggars more attention in this area.  Africa has in a total of the last 50 or more years in different parts, have had many pockets of civil wars causing political instability in many countries across the globe. Many families were scattered as a result of these wars and many fathers lost their lives. Family life as they knew it was disrupted, leaving behind its trail a number of fatherless, orphaned and traumatised young people in their wake whose only memory of life as they knew it in their formative years is chaos.  Then there is the category that is orphaned because their parents died during the confusion of the HIV Aids epidemic outbreak when there was so much misinformation and an absence of the antiretroviral drugs in the beginning and many people as a result died leaving behind their children.  Not too long ago Ebola also wiped out many parents who left behind orphaned children.

The extended family system as we knew it is fast disappearing.  The stability of the extended family system which provided a safety net and a sense of belonging to children in situations as I described above is not as dependable anymore due to harsh economic realities and the influence of western cultures, many people nowadays tend to focus on their nuclear families.  This means that, the young people who hitherto had the guardianship of Uncles, Grandfathers and other elders in the family who had oversight over them are now left to their own devices and are left to ‘raise’ themselves leading to the rise in child homelessness and streetism.

Irresponsible fatherhood is also on the increase due to many factors, either fathers are ill equipped or they are running away from responsibility, to just plain abandoning their children after their relationship with the mothers go south.  In a recent rough survey I did to access the situation of fathers who remain in the lives of their children after a breakup, it turns out about 70% of fathers just abandon ship.  What this means is that the mothers are left to single-handedly raise these children, most of the time without any family support or social protection.  This becomes a big drain on the overall wellbeing and wholeness on mothers raising these children as they strive to provide, financial, emotional, moral, educational, etc support for themselves and their children.  Thankfully there are many success stories as some of these mothers raise really fine children. But it cannot be denied that many of these children fall through the cracks and do not thrive the way they would have, had they had strong support systems and guidance.

The ripple effects of irresponsible fatherhood is felt by everyone from the child to the mother, the community, the countries and eventually the continent.  We lose out on the full participation of everyone because human capital which could have been harnessed for development is labouring under the burden of providing for her children and most often than not does not have any more energy left to contribute to the larger society the way she would have had her circumstances been less dire.

For the development agenda of the African continent to succeed in this era and beyond, we cannot afford but to start having conversations surrounding strengthening the family systems in a way that will create a more stable and productive society. We will need deliberate and strategic steps to tackle this issue.  For instance, I found out that Rwanda as a way of integrating young people and children orphaned by the war into the society, adopted a system where these children were assimilated into families so they can have a sense of family and belonging.

We will need to look at existing policies in our countries, update and implement them to bring irresponsible fathers to book.  We can initiate conversations in our communities and at a national level that urge capable father figures to step in as mentors to the children who need it.  We also need to build the capacity of the single parent families by making available resources such as, appropriate conflict resolution that allows those who can, to successfully co-parent, counselling and therapy services to positively boost their mental and emotional health, skills development and training and other resources as may be needed per demography to help them raise well-balanced children because the state should have a vested interest in these children because they are the ones who will drive the next level development agenda of Africa.

Putting in place a fatherhood movement where fathers’ capacity are built to understand their role as fathers and the impact the neglect of this all important role has on both the nuclear family, community and the overall development agenda of Africa. This is important because of the gap that was created by family disruptions through wars, disease, economic situations etc, there is a generation of fathers now who were fatherless themselves and so just do not have the idea of how to be responsible dads.

For the African continent to be able to implement all the beautiful ideas discussed at the just ended #EFA2019 and thrive, we cannot continue to have development discussions without a focus on the family system and the way the next generation is being parented, and the effect the neglect is having on their psyche and their total well-being and how that is going to inform their decision making which will largely affect the future of Africa.

The current state of affairs is not sustainable and constitutes violence against women and children as the burden is left solely on the mothers to raise the future of Africa, which tells on their overall well-being and wholeness. The children are also deprived of having the positive influence of fathers and many of whom end up being raised in financial and relational poverty.

What, then, must we do about this? The first step is to acknowledge that we have a problem and to shed the persistent cultural indifference to the father absence issue that we have on the continent. We must by all means continue the discussions on business, technology, intra-trade, future of work, but also be intentional at bringing to the table, social issues surrounding the family which are critical to affecting the success of the implementation of the development agenda regards the future of Africa. It will be detrimental to the future of Africa if we neglect to address the issue of the ever increasing single parent homes and what has become the legacy of irresponsible fatherhood and fatherlessness; it has the high probability of affecting our ability to develop our full potential as a continent due to its ripple effects.

Let’s bear in mind that a society is only as strong and vibrant as its people and families.

Emefa Gadze – EFA2019 Delegate

Founder, Single Parents Support Network (Accra, Ghana)

16th July 2019

 

Financially Crippled and in an abusive relationship? – Have a Plan

Just sending warm thoughts to our sisters in abusive marriages and relationships. I know leaving an abusive union is really difficult for most women because of financial difficulties. So here’s my suggestion.

Have a exit plan

1. If you realize he’s abusive please decide not to have another child. Please go to the health center and get help to decide birth control methods that work for you.

2. Go back to school/add value to yourself if you are in this bracket. Focus your energy on building your career and personal development. (I know this option might not work for some abuse victims)

3. Save some money. No matter what don’t touch that money.

4. Start figuring out accommodation options, school for your child etc.

5. Reach out to a lawyer for guidance.

6. If your family is super supportive let them in on the plan otherwise keep them out of it.

7. Find a trusted friend to help you. You will need help.

8. Pack an emergency bag for yourself and your children if you have any. Make copies of the house keys. Keep all your valuables, important certificates, passports, important documents and keep them safe outside of the house.

9. Never ever threaten to leave him. Some women lost their lives through that.

10. When the coast is clear leave quietly. Call whoever you confided in to be your ally and your lawyer. Never disclose your location. Depending on the situation, your children might be out of school for a few days as you adjust to your new life.

11. If you believe in in prayer, pray for wisdom and courage.

I know you’ve been beaten down either physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally and/or financially a lot. This robs you of your courage and sense of self. I have great news for you….. I’ve seen so many women make a strong come back after abuse that I believe that no matter what you’ve been through, you can heal from it and go on to have an amazing life. You are gorgeous, simply priceless and amazing! Always speak positively to yourself and watch your life change. There’s power in words❤️🙏🏾.

#LeaveToLive

©️Emefa Gadze 15th April 2019

*Features image is culled from the Internet*

Sometimes in the pursuit of big things, we loose sight of the magic in the little things.

I watched an episode of Mama Iyanla doing her thing recently and the simplicity of the moment she was creating for these wonderful but wounded young men is something I could never describe fully with words. These young men, brothers came from dysfunction. They had not known the love, warmth and pure serenity of family life as children and even as adults. It was evident they love each other dearly and had built what they had with the little they knew. Honestly I was fascinated by their story and sheer strength of the human spirit to survive anything.

These young men, sat at the dining table together at the kitchen, whilst Mama Iyanla hovered over them lovingly, feeding them breakfast. With a closer look you will realize she was feeding them more than breakfast. She was feeding that deep part in their souls that was neglected as children. Oh and were they there for it. Men are taught to mask their emotions so it was pure joy for me to watch these young men being unashamedly vulnerable and drinking all the mothering attentiveness in. There was a spread of food, they were spoiled for choice, they ate not like a people starving from food, they ate keeping their eyes on Mama Iyanla as people starving of a mother’s love, and peaceful togetherness and grabbing this opportunity to experience it and soak it all in. I teared up. I teared up because this is someone’s normal. Some of us cannot begin to imagine how just being together, hanging out with mum, being silly, enjoying her warmth and eating what she’s prepared can be a big deal because that is our everyday reality. A reality we take for granted.

I found myself impulsively praying for them, the brothers who came to Iyanla to try and fix their family. For the first time since I started watching her, I committed to praying for those young men. I might never meet them but I know the power of prayer and I know how far that can go. He will randomly place people in their path who will continue the work Iyanla started until their whole.

All this because parents dropped the ball on their duty. Lovely young men with beautiful minds, so intelligent and articulate but hurting and bleeding badly underneath, remnants of neglectful parents. But I loved the fight I saw in them, the desire to heal so they can be better. The courage the exhibited through the willingness to work through the toughest issues.

The next time you get the chance to just hang with your amazing Dad or mum, keep in mind, there are 5 brothers across the ocean, many in our neighborhoods and across the world who would give an arm to have a loving, nurturing relationship with their parents.

 

@Copyright Emefa Gadze 27/03/2019

 

Featured picture: Iyanla fix my life