Own Your Being

 

A few Sundays ago I was at the reception of a hotel out of Accra, waiting for a friend. It was a small countryside hotel and receptionist had stepped out briefly. The manager walked into the space I was in, my head was buried in a magazine, he greeted, I lifted my head and responded and went back to my reading. The next thing he said was, you have such a commanding voice….I looked up at him, wasnt sure how to respond…I had many questions for him….like, can you help me understand what you mean by that statement? etc…but I caught myself, smiled, nodded at him because I was genuinely at a loss for words and went back to my reading…determined not to start any conversation because my instincts knew where that was going.

I do not remember any time in my entire existence that my voice did not serve as a threat to another being. It got to a point, I had a joke among my inner circle which went…’I am for peace but when I speak they are for war’ ..thankfully I am not the type of person who tries to reduce herself to fit into any stereotypical ideals. I have two voices, one is deep and one is feminine, depending on only God knows what any of them chooses to come out at any given time and I do not have control over that….ouch.

Secondly I am very confident woman, having had the influence of a very strong Dad early on in life, the moral support of uncles and brothers who affirmed me along the way, I know no other way of being than to be confident. Granted life happened time and time again, kicked the very life out of me and I was convinced I was not going to come back from this blow, but I kept surprising myself by the grace of God, digging myself out of whichever hole it is and bit by bit gaining my confidence back.

I have come to realise that my voice, confidence and general personality can be intimidating to a person even before I open my mouth. It bothered me for a long time how people misunderstood me generally until it got to a time where it didnt matter anymore. I told myself, I will not be accountable for the conclusions people arrive at because of my voice literally and my voice figuratively. I chose not to apologise for my persona anymore because it is a priceless gift to be bold, confident and empathetic. I accepted myself fully, completely warts and all. It means that my passion about issues will be misunderstood sometimes but then every now and then I realised that there is a group that heard me beyond my literal voice, they hear my heart and that kept growing and growing over the years.
Then I realised I was called to a particular people, not to everybody. I was tailor-made to be a voice to particular people across the globe and I have not looked back since.

Now back to the gentleman at the reception who commented about my commanding voice…I chose to ignore because I needed my energy for the people I am tailor made for. For the people who are and will be grateful that I inhabit the earth….there’s work to do, there is a legacy to leave and the work sometimes can be daunting so I chose to rest so I can have the energy to war more purposefully another day.

To that girl or woman who is always being taunted for having a powerful, commanding voice and a very intimidating presence, remember you didnt create yourself. God in his infinite wisdom chose to create you this way and we both know He had a reason for creating each of us with our beautiful differences and uniqueness. I hope you never lose your voice and great persona, diminishing yourself because of people who cannot grasp the greatness that is you.

Remember, you are tailor-made for a people whose destinies are tied to yours. This is not entirely about you. You needed to be the way you are to be able to fulfill your God given purpose. Don’t loose your essence, keep overcoming so that you can use that powerful voice and ‘intimidating’ persona for good.

Hugs to all my #TooLoud, #TooKnown, #TooMuch ladies out there….keep using your voice for good.

#OwnYourBeing #YoureMadeForMore #DontLooseYourEssence #PursuePurpose #UseYourvoiceForGood
#TheExecutiveLifeCoach

Financially Crippled and in an abusive relationship? – Have a Plan

Just sending warm thoughts to our sisters in abusive marriages and relationships. I know leaving an abusive union is really difficult for most women because of financial difficulties. So here’s my suggestion.

Have a exit plan

1. If you realize he’s abusive please decide not to have another child. Please go to the health center and get help to decide birth control methods that work for you.

2. Go back to school/add value to yourself if you are in this bracket. Focus your energy on building your career and personal development. (I know this option might not work for some abuse victims)

3. Save some money. No matter what don’t touch that money.

4. Start figuring out accommodation options, school for your child etc.

5. Reach out to a lawyer for guidance.

6. If your family is super supportive let them in on the plan otherwise keep them out of it.

7. Find a trusted friend to help you. You will need help.

8. Pack an emergency bag for yourself and your children if you have any. Make copies of the house keys. Keep all your valuables, important certificates, passports, important documents and keep them safe outside of the house.

9. Never ever threaten to leave him. Some women lost their lives through that.

10. When the coast is clear leave quietly. Call whoever you confided in to be your ally and your lawyer. Never disclose your location. Depending on the situation, your children might be out of school for a few days as you adjust to your new life.

11. If you believe in in prayer, pray for wisdom and courage.

I know you’ve been beaten down either physically, mentally, emotionally, verbally and/or financially a lot. This robs you of your courage and sense of self. I have great news for you….. I’ve seen so many women make a strong come back after abuse that I believe that no matter what you’ve been through, you can heal from it and go on to have an amazing life. You are gorgeous, simply priceless and amazing! Always speak positively to yourself and watch your life change. There’s power in words❤️🙏🏾.

#LeaveToLive

©️Emefa Gadze 15th April 2019

*Features image is culled from the Internet*

Striving for wholeness – Educating ourselves on Mental Health Issues

I find our ignorance as a society on mental health issues very disturbing. I read a post recently on social media where the lady who posted it stated that when she was doing a research on the issue of depression, she found out that there was no word in the local language to describe the word, depression.

Mental health issues have been there before the beginning of time but had not been on the increase as in the last century or so and this is as a result of many factors. There has been a breakdown in the family system, this means that people are losing their support systems, not necessarily due to bad reasons even though some of the reasons are due to dysfunctional families and communities. These days many families are scattered across the globe because of economic, educational, health and other personal reasons.

Our lifestyles are changing into very fast paced ones and many people are juggling so much. We are adopting first world lifestyles; so increasingly many first world problems are rearing their heads here as well. It seems odd to me each time I see a post about family and all I see is mum, dad and kids. That’s nuclear family, family in the Ghanaian setting has been more than that. Cousins, aunties, uncles, grandpas and grandmums, nephews and nieces form family in that sense of the word. Apart from it being cultural, this systems when it was effective served as a safety net and cushioned members from the harsh realities of the world. Now these systems are fading fast also because we have not found effective ways in which to preserve the ties and keep connecting with each other without it being detrimental to the nuclear so many people sometimes by choice in protecting the nuclear family just cut off the extended one completely, thus throwing out the baby with the bath water.

Many people live and manage their lives alone in this era than any other era in the past. Technology has served as a double edged sword as it has helped advance society in a lot of ways but is also become the number one terrorist in destroying relationships as these days it is a luxury to have face to face meetings with people as everyone just depends on technology to connect.

Our value system has completely shifted from people and relationships to things. People are valued most not based on character anymore but all based on some image that they seem to project. There is the intense societal pressure to be more materially, thus the majority is chasing material wealth at the detriment of relationships.

You find a person working 2, 3 or 4 jobs trying to maybe honestly make a living or mostly trying to earn enough to rub shoulders with the joneses.
We have organisations, whose value systems pay lip service to healthy relationships and families. It is all about the bottom-line with insane competition and deadlines. We are proud to call it a dog eat dog world because of the aggressiveness needed to excel in those environments.

The news both local and international is filled with such negativity because those are the stories that sell. Good news seem to be boring.

The list goes on and on, and that is why we as a society, nation and continent need to pay more attention to mental health issues. This can no longer be swept under the carpet. We cannot continue to spiritualise issues that have their solutions in science. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in Jesus as my Lord and personal savior. I believe in the trinity and I believe in the bible as the true, undisputed word of God. I have absolute belief in the faith I practice and in the Almighty God I serve.

I believe that NOTHING is impossible with God, including the healing of mental diseases, cancer, headaches, tummy ache and pain, whether physical or emotional. I believe in miracles when it comes to health, I have witnessed many and been a gracious recipient of such miracles as well myself. The fact that I have this believe does not mean that when I am sick I should not seek medical attention. I will by all means seek medical attention and pray also for wisdom for the health professionals to diagnose and treat properly.

The mind is part of the body; we are body, soul and spirit and each part need the right amount of attention and care to achieve wholeness.
Issues, such as the death of a loved one, the difficulties and breakdown of relationships (marital, sibling, parental, friendships, work, family) and divorce are major issues that need to be acknowledged and treated with the care and wisdom it needs. Unfortunately, what do we see? We see people being rushed through the process of grief and whatever trauma it is that they are experiencing. We tease incessantly and ridicule people trying to make major life adjustments as a result of traumatic events.

We judge, criticize, insult and do everything in our power to ‘help them snap out of their foolishness’ when all they need really is therapy.

As a life coach, I have seen too many unshed tears of people trying to be strong, I have heard stories and seen people criticized for not having enough faith, or having self-pity and scriptures are hurled at them when truly all they need is a therapist to help them navigate that season of life.

My people, there is such a thing as mental health issue and a person does not need to be on the street in shabby clothes in order to be classified as suffering from it.

It comes in the form of that high level executive who is fabulous at their job, looks perfect, is living the dream everyone in the corporate world is trying to achieve.

It comes in the form of that man who looks so fine and all macho on the outside and seem to have everything under control.

It comes in the form of that incessant talkative who just cannot shut up and talks everyone’s ears off. It comes in the form of that person who is seen as the life of every party. It also comes in the form of a very quiet, private person.

It appears in the form of that teenager we keep ignoring and brushing off as having no problem because he/she is well-fed, attends an awesome school, has all the basics of life and then some, including amazing parents.

It appears in the form of that person grieving their loved one even after years of losing them.

It comes in the form of a new mum, who is supposed to be happy for the birth of her child but is unable to because they feel lost and no one around understands what is wrong with them.

In short, mental health issues are no respecter of persons. Rich, poor, famous, whatever you are, whoever you are just like anyone can have a stomach ache, anyone can suffer from any form of mental health disease, especially depression which seems to be the most common, the most overlooked and the least attended to, of them all.

I was horrified when I got to know that women who suffer multiple miscarriages do not have access to counselors or therapist to help them deal with the trauma that sometimes characterizes infertility issues. Losing one pregnancy is bad enough let alone multiple pregnancies and undergoing all the treatments and surgeries that sometimes women need to undergo to have babies can be life altering, yet there seem to be no professional help for such people. The few women I spoke with did not even know, they can get help if they choose to outside the system.

The lack of sensitivity and awareness of such issues need to stop starting with everyone who reads this article. Our behaviours push people further into their abyss of pain. And oh I do not mean the ordinary person on the street, I mean behaviours of family, friends, church family, etc.

When people are depressed or suffer from any form of mental health issue it is not because they do not trust God, they just need professional help. And also people with depression can be high functioning as well, remain on the job and delivering excellent results. So the picture of depression is not of someone who cannot get out of bed only, it is also of that person who seems to be the life of the party, cheering everyone up.

Seek help if you are going through a major life altering situation such as divorce, death of a loved one, work, family and friendship relationships gone bad, emotional pain etc. Seeking help is a sign of being self-aware, healthy self-love and strength. Encourage people you love to seek help when they need to, by all means pray for them. Prayer works wonders but a combination of prayer and the right information/set of tools can be go a long way to bring in the much needed balance.

Let’s educate ourselves on mental health issues especially if you work with people, are into ministry, church workers, parents, educationist, leaders and managers in the workplace, community leaders so we can relate and serve the people who come to us better.

In that way we will be working together to achieving wholeness in our families, communities, nation and impact other nations of the world.

@Emefa Gadze April 2017

All Rights Reserved

I have a dream

I have a dream of a generation of women who will master the art of forgiveness for both self and others.

A generation of women who will seek knowledge in how to wisely manage pain in order to live very productive lives.

A generation of women who have the wisdom to be as wise as serpents yet harmless as doves.

A generation of women who understand their worth enough not to allow themselves to be continually abused, mastering the courage to speak up in the right settings and seek justice depending on the circumstances.

A generation of women who have an understanding that men are not necessarily the problem but a warped system that seeks to excuse the inexcusable and this system has some women as stakeholders. That it is this system that we must all work together to overhaul.

A generation of women who will see men as partners in development and dig inside them to find the wisdom necessary to work effectively together to bring about the change we all desperately need.

A generation of women who will channel their energy into positive things, surrounding themselves with a village of positive empowering people who absolutely believe in them.

A generation of women who will actually love themselves enough to pause, rest and smell the flowers without feeling guilty about what is left undone. Women who have a complete and absolute understanding of the fact that you cannot pour out of an empty cup; that you are setting up yourself for failure when you continually do so.

A generation of women who have an understanding that they have to be financially savvy and not spend all their monies on shoes, bags and bling so they can invest for the future.

A generation of women who will have an understanding of the fact that the kind of man you choose is important to your success as a person, it determines how far you go in life so that they do not rush to marry just to silence the critics.

A generation of women who can discern who a good man is and not take him for granted.

A generation of women who will understand the powerful role of motherhood as stewardship. Women who will raise their sons to become great husbands,fathers and human beings.

A generation of women who understand that wisdom is respecting the man they decide to spend the rest of their lives with. Who understand that balance is necessary for progress.

A generation of women who understand that sometimes zipping your lips is wisdom and not a sign of being abused.

A generation of women who understand the power of femininity in a positive way, who know or continuously learn how to fight like a woman.

A generation of women who will understand that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and the goal is just to stay healthy. Who will learn to quiet the inner critic and love themselves.

A generation of women who love themselves enough to learn how to be Single, Sassy and Satisfied instead of jumping into toxic relationships.

A generation of women who will have the understanding that their marital status is not who they are and that in the kind of world we live in now, not all women will get married and be at peace with that.

A generation of women who will understand what it means to actively wait for Mr. Right, and not spend perhaps one of the most productive stage of their lives miserable over the finding of Mr. Right.

A generation of women who have the understanding that they are created in the image of God according to His likeness. And you only need to look at nature to see the awesomeness of God. Which means they are awesome and can achieve anything and everything they put their minds to.

A generation of women who have the understanding and rest in the assurance that they are Daddy’s little girls irrespective of age, God’s own heartbeat who is completely jealous over them and constantly looking out for them and always has their back.

A generation of women who will have an understanding that they cannot accomplish all of the above until they become self-aware, and continually keep themselves grounded.

I have a dream.

@Emefa Gadze, January 2017

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