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Be Your Child’s Advocate

I always encourage parents to be their child’s advocate and be in their corner no matter what, why? Because every child is different and you are the only one who can stand firmly by them as they navigate their young lives trying to find themselves.

Being your child’s advocate is not an easy thing. Usually those with differently abled children need to dig deep so they can provide the best resources for their children but those of us who are not in that category tend to leave the development of the children solely in the hands of the educator.

The educator knows their part in the story in your child’s life but if you want to raise children who grow up to fulfill purpose, you need to listen to your children, observe and trust your guts/instincts, seek expert help and PRAY if you believe in prayer.

Many years ago we changed schools for my son, he didn’t adjust to the new school well. Unfortunately, we did not pay much attention thinking the he will eventually adjust, till the authorities one day called me to say ‘He is not a serious student’ I asked why the answer was ‘ He is always sketching or drawing something when the teacher is teaching’. Honestly, I was unsettled by the answer. The contrast was, his former school LOVED him. I remember one of the teacher’s saying oh so who will perform the lead roles in our Christmas plays?’ They were sad to see him go and he excelled academically there as well.

The difference between school A and B was that, school A was set up to bring out the talents in creative children like my son. He was forever bringing all kinds of drawings home. It was a smaller class size and the environment nurtured his spirit and gifts.

School B, did not place much value on the creative, that environment almost destroyed my son with their constant criticisms etc. Can you believe one day I was summoned to the school because his books were not covered with brown paper? He was embarrassed and given a little note to bring to me. I was soo upset that I had to take time off from the office over brown paper!
Still we kept him there for 6 years! I’m ashamed to say this but we did because among many other things, we did not pay attention to his complains. And and I did not pay attention to the uneasiness I always felt about his school environment. The reason was, I was dealing with too much stuff at the time. Too much of life was happening to me and I simply did not have the inner strength and courage to make the changes that I needed to make for my son.

In the 6th year I met an angel in the form of a very experienced educationist who had served many years in the international setting. She said to me ‘your son will not thrive in this system’ she encouraged me to find a suitable system that will nurture his gifts as well as educate him academically.

This change process was not easy. It was wrought with a lot of challenges but I was determined to be my child’s advocate. The school change was one of the greatest blessings! Within a year I began to see wonderful changes and today when I look at my son, I am soo grateful to God he gave me the courage to make the decisions I made for him to be where he is now.

It is possible to be soo overwhelmed by life’s happenings that you miss out on very important seasons in your child’s life. Don’t let the stress at work, financial issues, personal, relationship, marriage and other family issues overwhelm you so much that you lose your focus on the future.

Your child/children is/are the future.

How much of yourself are you pouring into him/her/them to ensure they become the world that you want to see?

Are you aware of your child’s gifts, what steps are you taking to help nurture them? It can be daunting when you are raising a gifted child but with much determination, prayer, the right community around you, you will be able to do all you can to be the support that your child needs.

@Emefa Gadze, October 2017

Image of the girl playing football is via http://www.clipartgirl.com

Striving for wholeness – Educating ourselves on Mental Health Issues

I find our ignorance as a society on mental health issues very disturbing. I read a post recently on social media where the lady who posted it stated that when she was doing a research on the issue of depression, she found out that there was no word in the local language to describe the word, depression.

Mental health issues have been there before the beginning of time but had not been on the increase as in the last century or so and this is as a result of many factors. There has been a breakdown in the family system, this means that people are losing their support systems, not necessarily due to bad reasons even though some of the reasons are due to dysfunctional families and communities. These days many families are scattered across the globe because of economic, educational, health and other personal reasons.

Our lifestyles are changing into very fast paced ones and many people are juggling so much. We are adopting first world lifestyles; so increasingly many first world problems are rearing their heads here as well. It seems odd to me each time I see a post about family and all I see is mum, dad and kids. That’s nuclear family, family in the Ghanaian setting has been more than that. Cousins, aunties, uncles, grandpas and grandmums, nephews and nieces form family in that sense of the word. Apart from it being cultural, this systems when it was effective served as a safety net and cushioned members from the harsh realities of the world. Now these systems are fading fast also because we have not found effective ways in which to preserve the ties and keep connecting with each other without it being detrimental to the nuclear so many people sometimes by choice in protecting the nuclear family just cut off the extended one completely, thus throwing out the baby with the bath water.

Many people live and manage their lives alone in this era than any other era in the past. Technology has served as a double edged sword as it has helped advance society in a lot of ways but is also become the number one terrorist in destroying relationships as these days it is a luxury to have face to face meetings with people as everyone just depends on technology to connect.

Our value system has completely shifted from people and relationships to things. People are valued most not based on character anymore but all based on some image that they seem to project. There is the intense societal pressure to be more materially, thus the majority is chasing material wealth at the detriment of relationships.

You find a person working 2, 3 or 4 jobs trying to maybe honestly make a living or mostly trying to earn enough to rub shoulders with the joneses.
We have organisations, whose value systems pay lip service to healthy relationships and families. It is all about the bottom-line with insane competition and deadlines. We are proud to call it a dog eat dog world because of the aggressiveness needed to excel in those environments.

The news both local and international is filled with such negativity because those are the stories that sell. Good news seem to be boring.

The list goes on and on, and that is why we as a society, nation and continent need to pay more attention to mental health issues. This can no longer be swept under the carpet. We cannot continue to spiritualise issues that have their solutions in science. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in Jesus as my Lord and personal savior. I believe in the trinity and I believe in the bible as the true, undisputed word of God. I have absolute belief in the faith I practice and in the Almighty God I serve.

I believe that NOTHING is impossible with God, including the healing of mental diseases, cancer, headaches, tummy ache and pain, whether physical or emotional. I believe in miracles when it comes to health, I have witnessed many and been a gracious recipient of such miracles as well myself. The fact that I have this believe does not mean that when I am sick I should not seek medical attention. I will by all means seek medical attention and pray also for wisdom for the health professionals to diagnose and treat properly.

The mind is part of the body; we are body, soul and spirit and each part need the right amount of attention and care to achieve wholeness.
Issues, such as the death of a loved one, the difficulties and breakdown of relationships (marital, sibling, parental, friendships, work, family) and divorce are major issues that need to be acknowledged and treated with the care and wisdom it needs. Unfortunately, what do we see? We see people being rushed through the process of grief and whatever trauma it is that they are experiencing. We tease incessantly and ridicule people trying to make major life adjustments as a result of traumatic events.

We judge, criticize, insult and do everything in our power to ‘help them snap out of their foolishness’ when all they need really is therapy.

As a life coach, I have seen too many unshed tears of people trying to be strong, I have heard stories and seen people criticized for not having enough faith, or having self-pity and scriptures are hurled at them when truly all they need is a therapist to help them navigate that season of life.

My people, there is such a thing as mental health issue and a person does not need to be on the street in shabby clothes in order to be classified as suffering from it.

It comes in the form of that high level executive who is fabulous at their job, looks perfect, is living the dream everyone in the corporate world is trying to achieve.

It comes in the form of that man who looks so fine and all macho on the outside and seem to have everything under control.

It comes in the form of that incessant talkative who just cannot shut up and talks everyone’s ears off. It comes in the form of that person who is seen as the life of every party. It also comes in the form of a very quiet, private person.

It appears in the form of that teenager we keep ignoring and brushing off as having no problem because he/she is well-fed, attends an awesome school, has all the basics of life and then some, including amazing parents.

It appears in the form of that person grieving their loved one even after years of losing them.

It comes in the form of a new mum, who is supposed to be happy for the birth of her child but is unable to because they feel lost and no one around understands what is wrong with them.

In short, mental health issues are no respecter of persons. Rich, poor, famous, whatever you are, whoever you are just like anyone can have a stomach ache, anyone can suffer from any form of mental health disease, especially depression which seems to be the most common, the most overlooked and the least attended to, of them all.

I was horrified when I got to know that women who suffer multiple miscarriages do not have access to counselors or therapist to help them deal with the trauma that sometimes characterizes infertility issues. Losing one pregnancy is bad enough let alone multiple pregnancies and undergoing all the treatments and surgeries that sometimes women need to undergo to have babies can be life altering, yet there seem to be no professional help for such people. The few women I spoke with did not even know, they can get help if they choose to outside the system.

The lack of sensitivity and awareness of such issues need to stop starting with everyone who reads this article. Our behaviours push people further into their abyss of pain. And oh I do not mean the ordinary person on the street, I mean behaviours of family, friends, church family, etc.

When people are depressed or suffer from any form of mental health issue it is not because they do not trust God, they just need professional help. And also people with depression can be high functioning as well, remain on the job and delivering excellent results. So the picture of depression is not of someone who cannot get out of bed only, it is also of that person who seems to be the life of the party, cheering everyone up.

Seek help if you are going through a major life altering situation such as divorce, death of a loved one, work, family and friendship relationships gone bad, emotional pain etc. Seeking help is a sign of being self-aware, healthy self-love and strength. Encourage people you love to seek help when they need to, by all means pray for them. Prayer works wonders but a combination of prayer and the right information/set of tools can be go a long way to bring in the much needed balance.

Let’s educate ourselves on mental health issues especially if you work with people, are into ministry, church workers, parents, educationist, leaders and managers in the workplace, community leaders so we can relate and serve the people who come to us better.

In that way we will be working together to achieving wholeness in our families, communities, nation and impact other nations of the world.

@Emefa Gadze April 2017

An Inheritance or a Paycheck: Which one do you prefer?

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward and that master you are serving is Christ. Col. 3:23-24 (NLT)

Whatever maybe your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as (something done for the Lord not for men; knowing (with certainty) that is from the Lord (and not from men) that you will receive the inheritance which is your (real) reward. (The one whom) you are actually serving (is) the Lord Christ (the Messiah). Col. 3:23-24 (AMP)

Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work. Col. 3:23-24 (MSG)

My favorite is the MSG version, phew God’s standards are sure high! Sometimes when I read the bible I say to myself, this is a hard saying, who can bear J but I remember that God is the one who gives us power to become children of God. Which means we are unable to obey His word by our own strength unless we are willing and surrendered, then he empowers us to obey Him.

That being said, the reality is some work environments are just toxic. The in-thing in most places is most businesses and organisations are more concerned about the bottom line than the people who work for them. This leaves room for abuse because whoever can work the system by ‘whatever’ means gets to win.

This message is for those who have done their homework well. You are abreast with happenings in your area of expertise and then some. You have upgraded yourself such that the only thing you have not done yet is a PhD! You are diligent in your work, working well with the right attitude and excellently. You have prayed, fasted, sent out several applications, attended interviews in the hope to change jobs yet nothing positive comes up. It looks like your life sentence is just working smart and hard whiles watching other people who seem not to be putting in much effort reap the rewards. You have spoken up several times about this to your supervisors and HR and you get full assurance that you will be sorted yet you keep being overlooked all the time for promotion.

Interestingly, you have become an institution J (no pun intended!) for training people who are strategically placed and eventually move into more rewarding positions. In the meantime, your 40ft containers full of prophesies of your impending breakthroughs are exploding at the seams. God has even confirmed to you personally several times that He will do it. Amazingly, you stand in the gap for other people regarding the same issue and like magic things fall into pleasant places for them.

In my Christian walk I have come to believe that even though the word of God sounds FOOLISH most times, when you brace yourself and obey, the rewards are mind-blowing. A sister-friend of mine always says that God is a show-man and I have personally experienced that truth in my life; He is indeed a showman. I can say without reservation that if you are an obedient Christian, there is no way you will lose out. Even if what you believed God for does not materialize in your lifetime, generations after you in your bloodline will enjoy the good seeds you are sowing today.

I know generational thinking is not very popular in this era, we want everything and we want it now but really when you think about it which one is better, great paycheck with super position and benefits or a lovely inheritance from our Lord Jesus Christ who has the whole world with its riches in His hands? You be the judge.

He might even choose to pleasantly surprise you with both the great paycheck with super position and benefits and a lovely inheritance. He is God and sovereign so after you have done all my brothers and sisters just stand. Your labour will NEVER be in vain. He is super faithful.

Hugs to all who are feeling unappreciated/unrewarded/invincible/ in the workplace.

Have a rewarding day!

Emefa Gadze