Hope

When we lose hope we become easy prey for oppressors: both physical and spiritual.

My prayer for us all in this season is that God grants us the grace and inner strength to continuously be hopeful no matter what.

That we create communities where when we feel hopeless, we will be lifted by the hope we see in others. Hope has been the Single factor that has pulled many out of unthinkable situations to places of complete liberation and rest.

Let’s acknowledge the pain, hurt, confusion, and the feelings of helplessness/hopelessness; release those and be intentional at guarding our hope.

Hope creates the foundation we need to build what we want to see. Hope enables us to see. Hope enables us to dream. Hope enables us to identify the good. Hope enables us to see stinking situations as manure that can be used to fertilize and realize a beautiful dream.

Hope keeps the atmosphere open and ready for the manifestation of what might seem impossible. Hope enables us to keep taking care of ourselves and putting one foot forward after another because in our minds eye we can see a better tomorrow so we stay preparing for it so that once what our mind sees manifests, we can be in a good place to step fully into it to play our part with excellence.

Hopefull people never lose. Refuse to lose by being quietly or loudly hopeful. Guard against surrendering to hopelessness… It spirals quickly into something else. Even though you can’t see it or feel it hope is been an age old powerful force responsible for creating powerful positive shifts in people, places and situations that were otherwise hopeless.

Never underestimate the power of hope. After you have done all… stand in quiet/loud hope.

RefuseToLose #StandingInQuietHope #Unstoppable #ItsMyBeautifulSeason #ItsYourBeautifulSeason #ItsABeautifulSeason

Back To School Season – A Note To Dads

If you are a dad, who is dragging their feet to pay your dues this back to school season, as your children need many new things from school fees to uniforms, books, transportation, homework help, emotional support, lunch and snack fees, hostel fees, groceries etc remember it is your child who feels the pain the most, not your ex when you abandon your duties as a father.

Please get a grip on yourself and focus on that child. Children never forget. We’ve all heard many childhood stories from adults about how their parents treated them when they were most capable. These negative stories must be disrupted for more positive ones.

For those who complain that the exes are using the children to extort money from them, sometimes I wish more single mums will find the courage to leave their children with their fathers to take care of them 24/7 so they know what the deal truly is. That as much as some of them might be contributing financially, this thing of being primary custodial parent, goes beyond money (that most times is not even enough or is not even coming from the dad at all). It means bringing all of you to the table and it does not help when the ex is doing the most to just cause trouble. In the end sadly, it’s the children who suffer.

No matter how much you hate your ex wife or girlfriend, being an adult requires that, you step out of your feelings and look at things objectively. If you are really able to do that, you will see how much she is doing her best to bring up both your children and sometimes even her step-children, children you brought into the relationship but she embraced so much that now that the relationship is over, she is still caring for them.

Your ex might not be perfect, but learn to show appreciation for what they do for the overall well-being of the children.

My reflections on the Eisenhower Fellowship Africa Conference which took place in Kigali, Rwanda from 14th to 16th June 2019

It was a very insightful experience at the just ended EFA2019. It was exciting to be part of discussions focusing on moving the continent forward but the question remains will the human capital needed to implement all the laudable ideas will be able to have the emotional, psychological and mental fortitude needed in addition to all the other skills to push forward such laudable agendas?

Currently the statistics of young people in Africa is 70% below the age of 21. What are the experiences of these young people? How many of them have stable homes as strong foundations? How many of these young people have positive, impactful father figures to guide them in their daily lives or to help them navigate interesting life situations? Speaking to delegates and fellows at the just ended EFA2019 made it crystal clear that we have a social crises looming on our continent; they all spoke about the rampant problem of irresponsible fatherhood in their respective countries. My work with Single Parents Families in my country Ghana, coupled with all the stories from the other delegates confirms the fact that, we have a fatherhood crises looming in Africa and we need strategic intentional steps to tackle the issue.

Granted there are many wonderful fathers and father figures who are doing amazing work but the numbers are woefully low and beggars more attention in this area. Africa has in a total of the last 50 or more years in different parts, have had many pockets of civil wars causing political instability in many countries across the globe. Many families were scattered as a result of these wars and many fathers lost their lives. Family life as they knew it was disrupted, leaving behind its trail a number of fatherless, orphaned and traumatised young people in their wake whose only memory of life as they knew it in their formative years is chaos. Then there is the category that is orphaned because their parents died during the confusion of the HIV Aids epidemic outbreak when there was so much misinformation and an absence of the antiretroviral drugs in the beginning and many people as a result died leaving behind their children. Not too long ago Ebola also wiped out many parents who left behind orphaned children.

The extended family system as we knew it is fast disappearing. The stability of the extended family system which provided a safety net and a sense of belonging to children in situations as I described above is not as dependable anymore due to harsh economic realities and the influence of western cultures, many people nowadays tend to focus on their nuclear families. This means that, the young people who hitherto had the guardianship of Uncles, Grandfathers and other elders in the family who had oversight over them are now left to their own devices and are left to ‘raise’ themselves leading to the rise in child homelessness and streetism.

Irresponsible fatherhood is also on the increase due to many factors, either fathers are ill equipped or they are running away from responsibility, to just plain abandoning their children after their relationship with the mothers go south. In a recent rough survey I did to access the situation of fathers who remain in the lives of their children after a breakup, it turns out about 70% of fathers just abandon ship. What this means is that the mothers are left to single-handedly raise these children, most of the time without any family support or social protection. This becomes a big drain on the overall wellbeing and wholeness on mothers raising these children as they strive to provide, financial, emotional, moral, educational, etc support for themselves and their children. Thankfully there are many success stories as some of these mothers raise really fine children. But it cannot be denied that many of these children fall through the cracks and do not thrive the way they would have, had they had strong support systems and guidance.

The ripple effects of irresponsible fatherhood is felt by everyone from the child to the mother, the community, the countries and eventually the continent. We lose out on the full participation of everyone because human capital which could have been harnessed for development is labouring under the burden of providing for her children and most often than not does not have any more energy left to contribute to the larger society the way she would have had her circumstances been less dire.

For the development agenda of the African continent to succeed in this era and beyond, we cannot afford but to start having conversations surrounding strengthening the family systems in a way that will create a more stable and productive society. We will need deliberate and strategic steps to tackle this issue. For instance, I found out that Rwanda as a way of integrating young people and children orphaned by the war into the society, adopted a system where these children were assimilated into families so they can have a sense of family and belonging.

We will need to look at existing policies in our countries, update and implement them to bring irresponsible fathers to book. We can initiate conversations in our communities and at a national level that urge capable father figures to step in as mentors to the children who need it. We also need to build the capacity of the single parent families by making available resources such as, appropriate conflict resolution that allows those who can, to successfully co-parent, counselling and therapy services to positively boost their mental and emotional health, skills development and training and other resources as may be needed per demography to help them raise well-balanced children because the state should have a vested interest in these children because they are the ones who will drive the next level development agenda of Africa.

Putting in place a fatherhood movement where fathers’ capacity are built to understand their role as fathers and the impact the neglect of this all important role has on both the nuclear family, community and the overall development agenda of Africa. This is important because of the gap that was created by family disruptions through wars, disease, economic situations etc, there is a generation of fathers now who were fatherless themselves and so just do not have the idea of how to be responsible dads.

For the African continent to be able to implement all the beautiful ideas discussed at the just ended #EFA2019 and thrive, we cannot continue to have development discussions without a focus on the family system and the way the next generation is being parented, and the effect the neglect is having on their psyche and their total well-being and how that is going to inform their decision making which will largely affect the future of Africa.

The current state of affairs is not sustainable and constitutes violence against women and children as the burden is left solely on the mothers to raise the future of Africa, which tells on their overall well-being and wholeness. The children are also deprived of having the positive influence of fathers and many of whom end up being raised in financial and relational poverty.

What, then, must we do about this? The first step is to acknowledge that we have a problem and to shed the persistent cultural indifference to the father absence issue that we have on the continent. We must by all means continue the discussions on business, technology, intra-trade, future of work, but also be intentional at bringing to the table, social issues surrounding the family which are critical to affecting the success of the implementation of the development agenda regards the future of Africa. It will be detrimental to the future of Africa if we neglect to address the issue of the ever increasing single parent homes and what has become the legacy of irresponsible fatherhood and fatherlessness; it has the high probability of affecting our ability to develop our full potential as a continent due to its ripple effects.

Let’s bear in mind that a society is only as strong and vibrant as its people and families.

Emefa Gadze – EFA2019 Delegate

Founder, Single Parents Support Network (Accra, Ghana)

16th July 2019

Be Your Child’s Advocate

I always encourage parents to be their child’s advocate and be in their corner no matter what, why? Because every child is different and you are the only one who can stand firmly by them as they navigate their young lives trying to find themselves.

Being your child’s advocate is not an easy thing. Usually those with differently abled children need to dig deep so they can provide the best resources for their children but those of us who are not in that category tend to leave the development of the children solely in the hands of the educator.

The educator knows their part in the story in your child’s life but if you want to raise children who grow up to fulfill purpose, you need to listen to your children, observe and trust your guts/instincts, seek expert help and PRAY if you believe in prayer.

Many years ago we changed schools for my son, he didn’t adjust to the new school well. Unfortunately, we did not pay much attention thinking the he will eventually adjust, till the authorities one day called me to say ‘He is not a serious student’ I asked why the answer was ‘ He is always sketching or drawing something when the teacher is teaching’. Honestly, I was unsettled by the answer. The contrast was, his former school LOVED him. I remember one of the teacher’s saying oh so who will perform the lead roles in our Christmas plays?’ They were sad to see him go and he excelled academically there as well.

The difference between school A and B was that, school A was set up to bring out the talents in creative children like my son. He was forever bringing all kinds of drawings home. It was a smaller class size and the environment nurtured his spirit and gifts.

School B, did not place much value on the creative, that environment almost destroyed my son with their constant criticisms etc. Can you believe one day I was summoned to the school because his books were not covered with brown paper? He was embarrassed and given a little note to bring to me. I was soo upset that I had to take time off from the office over brown paper!
Still we kept him there for 6 years! I’m ashamed to say this but we did because among many other things, we did not pay attention to his complains. And and I did not pay attention to the uneasiness I always felt about his school environment. The reason was, I was dealing with too much stuff at the time. Too much of life was happening to me and I simply did not have the inner strength and courage to make the changes that I needed to make for my son.

In the 6th year I met an angel in the form of a very experienced educationist who had served many years in the international setting. She said to me ‘your son will not thrive in this system’ she encouraged me to find a suitable system that will nurture his gifts as well as educate him academically.

This change process was not easy. It was wrought with a lot of challenges but I was determined to be my child’s advocate. The school change was one of the greatest blessings! Within a year I began to see wonderful changes and today when I look at my son, I am soo grateful to God he gave me the courage to make the decisions I made for him to be where he is now.

It is possible to be soo overwhelmed by life’s happenings that you miss out on very important seasons in your child’s life. Don’t let the stress at work, financial issues, personal, relationship, marriage and other family issues overwhelm you so much that you lose your focus on the future.

Your child/children is/are the future.

How much of yourself are you pouring into him/her/them to ensure they become the world that you want to see?

Are you aware of your child’s gifts, what steps are you taking to help nurture them? It can be daunting when you are raising a gifted child but with much determination, prayer, the right community around you, you will be able to do all you can to be the support that your child needs.

@Emefa Gadze, October 2017

Image of the girl playing football is via http://www.clipartgirl.com

You’ve Lost Nothing

When any relationship ends, the first thing most people assess is how much they invested in those relationships. It could be a work relationship where you dedicated a good part of your life and talent working for an organization. It could be a friendship, marriage, courtship, business or any other human relationship that helps you to thrive in your world.

Unfortunately, not all of these relationships blossom into what we envisaged them to be initially. It is common to see people walk away and then one is tempted to be bitter after evaluating how much of yourself you poured into that workplace or relationship or partnership.

In my coaching sessions, I have had to dispel such views repeatedly. We are a sum total of our experiences, good, bad and ugly. Yes it is true that we might be served with a raw deal at least once in our lifetime but it all depends on our perspective. You got a tad wiser and because of that can help someone else on their journey or because of that you are able to recognize healthy relationships and value them. You have learnt to love yourself in a healthy way and not throw yourself into situations where you are not appreciated anymore. You have learnt in a beautiful way not to cast your pearls before swine. So something positive came out of a horrendous situation.

The way you see your situation informs your response to it and how well you heal or bounce back. Rehashing negative circumstances over and over and over does not serve one well.

People have a basic human right to make their own choices in life and we do not have control over the kind of choice they will make. Secondly, these rights come with obligations/consequences. The law of Karma like the law of gravity works perfectly whether the person involves believes in it or not. Now back to the hurt and pain; you are hurting because you feel used by a friend, family member, organization or ex-spouse. Worse still you feel like they are winning and you are the one left to pick up the pieces. You dedicated yourself to a job and they throw you out like discarded mango seed without a thought and in some cases without proper severance package. You helped to build the business from scratch and invested so much of time you could have spent with your family into it.

You had this friend you will do anything for. You are there for him/her whenever they need you; you have been a real friend and then unexpectedly they betray you or dump you or do something very ridiculous.

You love your family and would do anything for them, but they do not know how to love you back so they keep taking and taking from you, the one time you decide to look after yourself and tend to your needs, all hell broke loose and you hurt like crazy.

This person promised you heaven on earth; he/she promised to marry you and then decided against it and was too cowardly to even face you with their decision. They broke it off with a text message or on social media.

You gave your all for your marriage to work, you sacrificed yourself, your finances, your all to ensure the marriage works and your spouse did not only turn their back on you; but in an attempt to justify their ridiculous actions they try to tarnish your image along with everything else that is happening as if walking away is not painful enough. Your in-laws who you were kind to, have taken sides with your spouse and are behaving as if you are not human. Some even try to turn the children against you; so in addition to trying to manage what is happening, you now have to deal with children who have attitude.

Your now ex-spouse who you have endured through all the drama and just kept a positive demeanor throughout is now doing everything possible to ruin your peace of mind and that of the children.

You took in domestic help and treated them like family only for them to pay you back with so much pain on so many levels.

You feel used and cheated. You think you have wasted your resources in all these circumstances. You have decided you will not be kind to any human being again! Pause. You will sabotage yourself if you put all humans in the same box. You never know the beauty that awaits you if you can keep an open mind in spite off.

My piece to you is you have NOT lost ANYTHING. See I am not trying to trivalise what happened to you. No…no…no…no…… they just sowed a seed that they will receive an abundance of harvest for. One thing about the law of Karma (the law of sowing and reaping) is that when you sow one seed you reap in multiples. For instance if you plant tomatoes, you do not get only one tomato on the tree, you reap so many tomatoes.

So this is why I can assure you that you have lost nothing. When you were busy planting good seeds, they were busy planting bad seeds, both of you will reap an abundance of whatever it is that you’ve sown. I understand that right now it might not feel that way because life is staring you in the face with all the ‘could haves’ and ‘should have’ conversations that you are perhaps having with yourself. But trust me if you are able to take the steps necessary to heal yourself of the pain and hurt you are feeling right now, and try to process all that has happened or is happening differently. You will realise that even though it might seem like a raw deal is been handed you, because you made positive decisions in the past and did good, that will come back to you, pressed down, shaken together and running over. So let go of all the negative emotions so that you can reap an abundance of all the beautiful things that you have planted.

Bitterness and unforgiveness work like a choked passage which will block your abundance, trust the process and let go!

You’ve lost NOTHING!

@Emefa Gadze August 2017

Striving for wholeness – Educating ourselves on Mental Health Issues

I find our ignorance as a society on mental health issues very disturbing. I read a post recently on social media where the lady who posted it stated that when she was doing a research on the issue of depression, she found out that there was no word in the local language to describe the word, depression.

Mental health issues have been there before the beginning of time but had not been on the increase as in the last century or so and this is as a result of many factors. There has been a breakdown in the family system, this means that people are losing their support systems, not necessarily due to bad reasons even though some of the reasons are due to dysfunctional families and communities. These days many families are scattered across the globe because of economic, educational, health and other personal reasons.

Our lifestyles are changing into very fast paced ones and many people are juggling so much. We are adopting first world lifestyles; so increasingly many first world problems are rearing their heads here as well. It seems odd to me each time I see a post about family and all I see is mum, dad and kids. That’s nuclear family, family in the Ghanaian setting has been more than that. Cousins, aunties, uncles, grandpas and grandmums, nephews and nieces form family in that sense of the word. Apart from it being cultural, this systems when it was effective served as a safety net and cushioned members from the harsh realities of the world. Now these systems are fading fast also because we have not found effective ways in which to preserve the ties and keep connecting with each other without it being detrimental to the nuclear so many people sometimes by choice in protecting the nuclear family just cut off the extended one completely, thus throwing out the baby with the bath water.

Many people live and manage their lives alone in this era than any other era in the past. Technology has served as a double edged sword as it has helped advance society in a lot of ways but is also become the number one terrorist in destroying relationships as these days it is a luxury to have face to face meetings with people as everyone just depends on technology to connect.

Our value system has completely shifted from people and relationships to things. People are valued most not based on character anymore but all based on some image that they seem to project. There is the intense societal pressure to be more materially, thus the majority is chasing material wealth at the detriment of relationships.

You find a person working 2, 3 or 4 jobs trying to maybe honestly make a living or mostly trying to earn enough to rub shoulders with the joneses.
We have organisations, whose value systems pay lip service to healthy relationships and families. It is all about the bottom-line with insane competition and deadlines. We are proud to call it a dog eat dog world because of the aggressiveness needed to excel in those environments.

The news both local and international is filled with such negativity because those are the stories that sell. Good news seem to be boring.

The list goes on and on, and that is why we as a society, nation and continent need to pay more attention to mental health issues. This can no longer be swept under the carpet. We cannot continue to spiritualise issues that have their solutions in science. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in Jesus as my Lord and personal savior. I believe in the trinity and I believe in the bible as the true, undisputed word of God. I have absolute belief in the faith I practice and in the Almighty God I serve.

I believe that NOTHING is impossible with God, including the healing of mental diseases, cancer, headaches, tummy ache and pain, whether physical or emotional. I believe in miracles when it comes to health, I have witnessed many and been a gracious recipient of such miracles as well myself. The fact that I have this believe does not mean that when I am sick I should not seek medical attention. I will by all means seek medical attention and pray also for wisdom for the health professionals to diagnose and treat properly.

The mind is part of the body; we are body, soul and spirit and each part need the right amount of attention and care to achieve wholeness.
Issues, such as the death of a loved one, the difficulties and breakdown of relationships (marital, sibling, parental, friendships, work, family) and divorce are major issues that need to be acknowledged and treated with the care and wisdom it needs. Unfortunately, what do we see? We see people being rushed through the process of grief and whatever trauma it is that they are experiencing. We tease incessantly and ridicule people trying to make major life adjustments as a result of traumatic events.

We judge, criticize, insult and do everything in our power to ‘help them snap out of their foolishness’ when all they need really is therapy.

As a life coach, I have seen too many unshed tears of people trying to be strong, I have heard stories and seen people criticized for not having enough faith, or having self-pity and scriptures are hurled at them when truly all they need is a therapist to help them navigate that season of life.

My people, there is such a thing as mental health issue and a person does not need to be on the street in shabby clothes in order to be classified as suffering from it.

It comes in the form of that high level executive who is fabulous at their job, looks perfect, is living the dream everyone in the corporate world is trying to achieve.

It comes in the form of that man who looks so fine and all macho on the outside and seem to have everything under control.

It comes in the form of that incessant talkative who just cannot shut up and talks everyone’s ears off. It comes in the form of that person who is seen as the life of every party. It also comes in the form of a very quiet, private person.

It appears in the form of that teenager we keep ignoring and brushing off as having no problem because he/she is well-fed, attends an awesome school, has all the basics of life and then some, including amazing parents.

It appears in the form of that person grieving their loved one even after years of losing them.

It comes in the form of a new mum, who is supposed to be happy for the birth of her child but is unable to because they feel lost and no one around understands what is wrong with them.

In short, mental health issues are no respecter of persons. Rich, poor, famous, whatever you are, whoever you are just like anyone can have a stomach ache, anyone can suffer from any form of mental health disease, especially depression which seems to be the most common, the most overlooked and the least attended to, of them all.

I was horrified when I got to know that women who suffer multiple miscarriages do not have access to counselors or therapist to help them deal with the trauma that sometimes characterizes infertility issues. Losing one pregnancy is bad enough let alone multiple pregnancies and undergoing all the treatments and surgeries that sometimes women need to undergo to have babies can be life altering, yet there seem to be no professional help for such people. The few women I spoke with did not even know, they can get help if they choose to outside the system.

The lack of sensitivity and awareness of such issues need to stop starting with everyone who reads this article. Our behaviours push people further into their abyss of pain. And oh I do not mean the ordinary person on the street, I mean behaviours of family, friends, church family, etc.

When people are depressed or suffer from any form of mental health issue it is not because they do not trust God, they just need professional help. And also people with depression can be high functioning as well, remain on the job and delivering excellent results. So the picture of depression is not of someone who cannot get out of bed only, it is also of that person who seems to be the life of the party, cheering everyone up.

Seek help if you are going through a major life altering situation such as divorce, death of a loved one, work, family and friendship relationships gone bad, emotional pain etc. Seeking help is a sign of being self-aware, healthy self-love and strength. Encourage people you love to seek help when they need to, by all means pray for them. Prayer works wonders but a combination of prayer and the right information/set of tools can be go a long way to bring in the much needed balance.

Let’s educate ourselves on mental health issues especially if you work with people, are into ministry, church workers, parents, educationist, leaders and managers in the workplace, community leaders so we can relate and serve the people who come to us better.

In that way we will be working together to achieving wholeness in our families, communities, nation and impact other nations of the world.

@Emefa Gadze April 2017

I have a dream

I have a dream of a generation of women who will master the art of forgiveness for both self and others.

A generation of women who will seek knowledge in how to wisely manage pain in order to live very productive lives.

A generation of women who have the wisdom to be as wise as serpents yet harmless as doves.

A generation of women who understand their worth enough not to allow themselves to be continually abused, mastering the courage to speak up in the right settings and seek justice depending on the circumstances.

A generation of women who have an understanding that men are not necessarily the problem but a warped system that seeks to excuse the inexcusable and this system has some women as stakeholders. That it is this system that we must all work together to overhaul.

A generation of women who will see men as partners in development and dig inside them to find the wisdom necessary to work effectively together to bring about the change we all desperately need.

A generation of women who will channel their energy into positive things, surrounding themselves with a village of positive empowering people who absolutely believe in them.

A generation of women who will actually love themselves enough to pause, rest and smell the flowers without feeling guilty about what is left undone. Women who have a complete and absolute understanding of the fact that you cannot pour out of an empty cup; that you are setting up yourself for failure when you continually do so.

A generation of women who have an understanding that they have to be financially savvy and not spend all their monies on shoes, bags and bling so they can invest for the future.

A generation of women who will have an understanding of the fact that the kind of man you choose is important to your success as a person, it determines how far you go in life so that they do not rush to marry just to silence the critics.

A generation of women who can discern who a good man is and not take him for granted.

A generation of women who will understand the powerful role of motherhood as stewardship. Women who will raise their sons to become great husbands,fathers and human beings.

A generation of women who understand that wisdom is respecting the man they decide to spend the rest of their lives with. Who understand that balance is necessary for progress.

A generation of women who understand that sometimes zipping your lips is wisdom and not a sign of being abused.

A generation of women who understand the power of femininity in a positive way, who know or continuously learn how to fight like a woman.

A generation of women who will understand that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and the goal is just to stay healthy. Who will learn to quiet the inner critic and love themselves.

A generation of women who love themselves enough to learn how to be Single, Sassy and Satisfied instead of jumping into toxic relationships.

A generation of women who will have the understanding that their marital status is not who they are and that in the kind of world we live in now, not all women will get married and be at peace with that.

A generation of women who will understand what it means to actively wait for Mr. Right, and not spend perhaps one of the most productive stage of their lives miserable over the finding of Mr. Right.

A generation of women who have the understanding that they are created in the image of God according to His likeness. And you only need to look at nature to see the awesomeness of God. Which means they are awesome and can achieve anything and everything they put their minds to.

A generation of women who have the understanding and rest in the assurance that they are Daddy’s little girls irrespective of age, God’s own heartbeat who is completely jealous over them and constantly looking out for them and always has their back.

A generation of women who will have an understanding that they cannot accomplish all of the above until they become self-aware, and continually keep themselves grounded.

I have a dream.

@Emefa Gadze, January 2017

How Much Longer….?

I woke up this morning with one of my favorite bible verses and a question on my mind. I asked God how much longer do I have to be strong? You see, sometimes you are strong because you just have to be; because the cost of giving up is unimaginably high not in terms of money alone, but in terms of destinies that will be messed up because you gave up.

I learnt a long time ago that this right here, is not about me. It is more about those I am called to. Those people whose paths will light up because I chose to walk my path, because I chose courage over fears and doubts, because I chose to believe I can walk on water and achieve the unimaginable because I have the Almighty God by my side.

For many days I have had struggling families and single parent homes on my mind, especially since the school year has started for some and is about to start for others.

So, I see you, you woman who is perceived as married yet because of circumstances beyond the control of both you and your husband, you carry all the financial responsibilities of the home and wonder how you are going to raise fees for 4 children and other back to school supplies yet again.

I see you, the man who is trying to make ends meet for the family, who hates to see how his dear wife has to struggle to do what he knows is his responsibility to do but for some strange reason, the heavens seem to be shut on you and your efforts to provide do not yield the desired results.

I see you the man or woman who has done their best and continue to do so, but your spouses are simply unappreciative and whatever you do it is not good enough yet you faithfully stay the path because your have totally surrended to your maker and choose to please Him: I see you.

I see you, that widow/widower who have to navigate the new world of being single again. As your heart aches for your loved one, you also must gird your loins and ignore the pain because important decisions must be made. Your children are looking to you for comfort so you are staying strong for them. There are so many adjustments to make and you are wondering whether you will survive this, I see you.

I see you my dear single parent, whose other partner is alive and well yet has shirked their responsibilities by being emotionally distant, not contributing their quota, rejecting the children and/or literally behaving like clowns now that another school year has started, I see you.

I see those of you who are dealing with all this in addition to being there for a special needs child, parent or sibling. I see you.

You know, when I asked God the question of how much longer, I heard a still small voice telling me, God honors and rewards those who do not give up. So my friends, if you are wondering how you are going to do it again this school year, my answer is doesn’t it just amaze you the kinds of things you have triumphed and survived?

The longer I am blessed to live on this earth, the more convinced I am of one truth; it is almost impossible to defeat the human spirit that is focused and determined to reach a particular goal.

So for you my dear brave and courageous one, even though you may not feel that way right now, giving up is not an option. By all means pray, yell the frustrations out at God, cry, seek help and do whatever you need to do positively to get back on your feet but don’t Give Up…For God rewards and honors those who do not give up.

God bless you and your families abundantly in whichever way you need it in this new school year and beyond.

@ Emefa Gadze

Some ways to help single parents in your circle.

In my over 13 years of single parenting, I have observed that many people would love to be of assistance to Single Parents if only they know how best to help. So here are a few suggestions of how to help.

Be determined to be a positive voice in the life of both the parent and child/ children.

If you must comment on their parenting please do so in love and not in the presence of their children. God divinely ordained parenting to be done by two parents but most times circumstances thrust people into solo parenting so the least you can do is be a positive voice not of condemnation.

Sometimes offer to babysit. And let them know where the best deals are in town. Also offer to help with errands.

If you are a man who genuinely is interested in helping out a single mum financially, please find ways to do that without demanding amorous favors. The reward God has for you is much more than anything a human being can offer you in return for your kindness. Alternatively you can help her through SPSN (Single Parents Support Network) and we will be glad to facilitate that for you after an agreement has been reached. Many times well meaning people start to help and then the relationship turns south complicating matters.

Desist from judging these parents harshly you do not know their full story! Also do not punish the children for the sins of their parents. Create a nurturing environment for them to thrive.

I observed that male children of single mums cringe when people call them mama’s boy. Since they did not choose their circumstance, kindly call them by their names or simply, young man and leave them with a positive comment. Let us commit to building up these angels not tearing them down.

Be a great role model. Model good/godly behavior in front of their children and treat their parents with respect.

Please do not speak negatively of the absent parent in front of the children. This hurts the children. Children love both parents and usually have conflicting feelings about the absentee/neglectful parent. Speaking ill of them in front of these children is like turning a knife in their wounds.

Always remember that parenting is a journey not a destination. Let us desist from labeling these children for momentary wrongdoings. Find appropriate ways to discipline the child and keep loving/respecting them.

You can outright ask how you can be of help. Gift cards for grocery shopping and/or to the spa for that haircut/hairdo, massage, pedicure, manicure, bookshop can be life saver.
Remember them in prayer always and frequently ask for their prayer needs.
Remember, it takes a village to raise a child. So your actions and in-actions carry more weight than you will ever know.

These are just a few pointers that can greatly help you to be of tremendous support to a single parent family in your church, family, workplace and neighbourhood.

Have a blessed week!

Emefa Gadze

God Is Your Source

How often do we blame people for not providing our needs? I mean relational, material, social, financial needs etc.

As many times as we read the bible and see all the promises in there for us, as many times as we actually experience God’s divine intervention in our lives, as human as were are, we are still prone to putting our trust in people to fulfill our needs.

I have found that there is nothing as liberating as coming to the revelation knowledge of God as your Source. When you see God as your Source, it changes your whole attitude and your perception of life. You no longer look to man (human beings) to fulfill your needs and neither do you get upset when those you feel are obligated in a way fail to fulfill their obligations or promises. You work out of your heart whether the employer is appreciative or not, you love your family and do your part whether they reciprocate or not, infact your actions are no longer reactive, but proactive. Your actions or inactions are not determined by what someone does or does not do.

Prov. 21:1 says ‘The heart of the King is in the hand of the Lord and he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases” NIV. This means it is only God who can touch the heart of any man (human being) to act favourably towards you. This means, the one to look up to with absolute trust is God not Greg or Kojo or that Director who was supposed to have given you that contract.

Jeremaiah. 17:5-6 (NIV)

5 This is what the LORD says:

   “Cursed is the one who trusts in man,

   who draws strength from mere flesh

   and whose heart turns away from the LORD.

6 That person will be like a bush in the wastelands;

   they will not see prosperity when it comes.

They will dwell in the parched places of the desert,

   in a salt land where no one lives.

It is not surprising we go through such excruciating and unnecessary pain whenever someone especially the other parent disappoints us by not keeping to promises made to us or even to the children.

Jeremaiah. 17:7&8 (NIV)

7 “But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD,

whose confidence is in him.

8 They will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has no worries in a year of drought

and never fails to bear fruit.”

Psalm 125:1 says ‘Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever’

The snare often is, whenever God touches a person’s heart to act favorably towards us, we shift our focus from God our Source to the vessel of the blessing. This is a form of idolatory and God who is a jealous God start fighting us because He refuses to share his glory with anyone! We are to be very appreciative of the vessels of blessings in our lives but wary of turning them into gods.

It is my heart desire that we will continually choose to let go of all the people and organizations who in our opinion have let us down one way or the other and walk in the liberty of focusing on God as our only Source.

All we need to do is make that very important decision and ask God to grant us the grace to continually walk in this revelation.

It works, it really works. The peace is inexplicable and the joy is complete.

Have a very blessed Weekend

Emefa