Hope

When we lose hope we become easy prey for oppressors: both physical and spiritual.

My prayer for us all in this season is that God grants us the grace and inner strength to continuously be hopeful no matter what.

That we create communities where when we feel hopeless, we will be lifted by the hope we see in others. Hope has been the Single factor that has pulled many out of unthinkable situations to places of complete liberation and rest.

Let’s acknowledge the pain, hurt, confusion, and the feelings of helplessness/hopelessness; release those and be intentional at guarding our hope.

Hope creates the foundation we need to build what we want to see. Hope enables us to see. Hope enables us to dream. Hope enables us to identify the good. Hope enables us to see stinking situations as manure that can be used to fertilize and realize a beautiful dream.

Hope keeps the atmosphere open and ready for the manifestation of what might seem impossible. Hope enables us to keep taking care of ourselves and putting one foot forward after another because in our minds eye we can see a better tomorrow so we stay preparing for it so that once what our mind sees manifests, we can be in a good place to step fully into it to play our part with excellence.

Hopefull people never lose. Refuse to lose by being quietly or loudly hopeful. Guard against surrendering to hopelessness… It spirals quickly into something else. Even though you can’t see it or feel it hope is been an age old powerful force responsible for creating powerful positive shifts in people, places and situations that were otherwise hopeless.

Never underestimate the power of hope. After you have done all… stand in quiet/loud hope.

RefuseToLose #StandingInQuietHope #Unstoppable #ItsMyBeautifulSeason #ItsYourBeautifulSeason #ItsABeautifulSeason

Back To School Season – A Note To Dads

If you are a dad, who is dragging their feet to pay your dues this back to school season, as your children need many new things from school fees to uniforms, books, transportation, homework help, emotional support, lunch and snack fees, hostel fees, groceries etc remember it is your child who feels the pain the most, not your ex when you abandon your duties as a father.

Please get a grip on yourself and focus on that child. Children never forget. We’ve all heard many childhood stories from adults about how their parents treated them when they were most capable. These negative stories must be disrupted for more positive ones.

For those who complain that the exes are using the children to extort money from them, sometimes I wish more single mums will find the courage to leave their children with their fathers to take care of them 24/7 so they know what the deal truly is. That as much as some of them might be contributing financially, this thing of being primary custodial parent, goes beyond money (that most times is not even enough or is not even coming from the dad at all). It means bringing all of you to the table and it does not help when the ex is doing the most to just cause trouble. In the end sadly, it’s the children who suffer.

No matter how much you hate your ex wife or girlfriend, being an adult requires that, you step out of your feelings and look at things objectively. If you are really able to do that, you will see how much she is doing her best to bring up both your children and sometimes even her step-children, children you brought into the relationship but she embraced so much that now that the relationship is over, she is still caring for them.

Your ex might not be perfect, but learn to show appreciation for what they do for the overall well-being of the children.

Sometimes in the pursuit of big things, we loose sight of the magic in the little things.

I watched an episode of Mama Iyanla doing her thing recently and the simplicity of the moment she was creating for these wonderful but wounded young men is something I could never describe fully with words. These young men, brothers came from dysfunction. They had not known the love, warmth and pure serenity of family life as children and even as adults. It was evident they love each other dearly and had built what they had with the little they knew. Honestly I was fascinated by their story and sheer strength of the human spirit to survive anything.

These young men, sat at the dining table together at the kitchen, whilst Mama Iyanla hovered over them lovingly, feeding them breakfast. With a closer look you will realize she was feeding them more than breakfast. She was feeding that deep part in their souls that was neglected as children. Oh and were they there for it. Men are taught to mask their emotions so it was pure joy for me to watch these young men being unashamedly vulnerable and drinking all the mothering attentiveness in. There was a spread of food, they were spoiled for choice, they ate not like a people starving from food, they ate keeping their eyes on Mama Iyanla as people starving of a mother’s love, and peaceful togetherness and grabbing this opportunity to experience it and soak it all in. I teared up. I teared up because this is someone’s normal. Some of us cannot begin to imagine how just being together, hanging out with mum, being silly, enjoying her warmth and eating what she’s prepared can be a big deal because that is our everyday reality. A reality we take for granted.

I found myself impulsively praying for them, the brothers who came to Iyanla to try and fix their family. For the first time since I started watching her, I committed to praying for those young men. I might never meet them but I know the power of prayer and I know how far that can go. He will randomly place people in their path who will continue the work Iyanla started until their whole.

All this because parents dropped the ball on their duty. Lovely young men with beautiful minds, so intelligent and articulate but hurting and bleeding badly underneath, remnants of neglectful parents. But I loved the fight I saw in them, the desire to heal so they can be better. The courage the exhibited through the willingness to work through the toughest issues.

The next time you get the chance to just hang with your amazing Dad or mum, keep in mind, there are 5 brothers across the ocean, many in our neighborhoods and across the world who would give an arm to have a loving, nurturing relationship with their parents.

@Copyright Emefa Gadze 27/03/2019

Featured picture: Iyanla fix my life

Be Your Child’s Advocate

I always encourage parents to be their child’s advocate and be in their corner no matter what, why? Because every child is different and you are the only one who can stand firmly by them as they navigate their young lives trying to find themselves.

Being your child’s advocate is not an easy thing. Usually those with differently abled children need to dig deep so they can provide the best resources for their children but those of us who are not in that category tend to leave the development of the children solely in the hands of the educator.

The educator knows their part in the story in your child’s life but if you want to raise children who grow up to fulfill purpose, you need to listen to your children, observe and trust your guts/instincts, seek expert help and PRAY if you believe in prayer.

Many years ago we changed schools for my son, he didn’t adjust to the new school well. Unfortunately, we did not pay much attention thinking the he will eventually adjust, till the authorities one day called me to say ‘He is not a serious student’ I asked why the answer was ‘ He is always sketching or drawing something when the teacher is teaching’. Honestly, I was unsettled by the answer. The contrast was, his former school LOVED him. I remember one of the teacher’s saying oh so who will perform the lead roles in our Christmas plays?’ They were sad to see him go and he excelled academically there as well.

The difference between school A and B was that, school A was set up to bring out the talents in creative children like my son. He was forever bringing all kinds of drawings home. It was a smaller class size and the environment nurtured his spirit and gifts.

School B, did not place much value on the creative, that environment almost destroyed my son with their constant criticisms etc. Can you believe one day I was summoned to the school because his books were not covered with brown paper? He was embarrassed and given a little note to bring to me. I was soo upset that I had to take time off from the office over brown paper!
Still we kept him there for 6 years! I’m ashamed to say this but we did because among many other things, we did not pay attention to his complains. And and I did not pay attention to the uneasiness I always felt about his school environment. The reason was, I was dealing with too much stuff at the time. Too much of life was happening to me and I simply did not have the inner strength and courage to make the changes that I needed to make for my son.

In the 6th year I met an angel in the form of a very experienced educationist who had served many years in the international setting. She said to me ‘your son will not thrive in this system’ she encouraged me to find a suitable system that will nurture his gifts as well as educate him academically.

This change process was not easy. It was wrought with a lot of challenges but I was determined to be my child’s advocate. The school change was one of the greatest blessings! Within a year I began to see wonderful changes and today when I look at my son, I am soo grateful to God he gave me the courage to make the decisions I made for him to be where he is now.

It is possible to be soo overwhelmed by life’s happenings that you miss out on very important seasons in your child’s life. Don’t let the stress at work, financial issues, personal, relationship, marriage and other family issues overwhelm you so much that you lose your focus on the future.

Your child/children is/are the future.

How much of yourself are you pouring into him/her/them to ensure they become the world that you want to see?

Are you aware of your child’s gifts, what steps are you taking to help nurture them? It can be daunting when you are raising a gifted child but with much determination, prayer, the right community around you, you will be able to do all you can to be the support that your child needs.

@Emefa Gadze, October 2017

Image of the girl playing football is via http://www.clipartgirl.com