Category: Authenticity

Own Your Being

 

A few Sundays ago I was at the reception of a hotel out of Accra, waiting for a friend. It was a small countryside hotel and receptionist had stepped out briefly. The manager walked into the space I was in, my head was buried in a magazine, he greeted, I lifted my head and responded and went back to my reading. The next thing he said was, you have such a commanding voice….I looked up at him, wasnt sure how to respond…I had many questions for him….like, can you help me understand what you mean by that statement? etc…but I caught myself, smiled, nodded at him because I was genuinely at a loss for words and went back to my reading…determined not to start any conversation because my instincts knew where that was going.

I do not remember any time in my entire existence that my voice did not serve as a threat to another being. It got to a point, I had a joke among my inner circle which went…’I am for peace but when I speak they are for war’ ..thankfully I am not the type of person who tries to reduce herself to fit into any stereotypical ideals. I have two voices, one is deep and one is feminine, depending on only God knows what any of them chooses to come out at any given time and I do not have control over that….ouch.

Secondly I am very confident woman, having had the influence of a very strong Dad early on in life, the moral support of uncles and brothers who affirmed me along the way, I know no other way of being than to be confident. Granted life happened time and time again, kicked the very life out of me and I was convinced I was not going to come back from this blow, but I kept surprising myself by the grace of God, digging myself out of whichever hole it is and bit by bit gaining my confidence back.

I have come to realise that my voice, confidence and general personality can be intimidating to a person even before I open my mouth. It bothered me for a long time how people misunderstood me generally until it got to a time where it didnt matter anymore. I told myself, I will not be accountable for the conclusions people arrive at because of my voice literally and my voice figuratively. I chose not to apologise for my persona anymore because it is a priceless gift to be bold, confident and empathetic. I accepted myself fully, completely warts and all. It means that my passion about issues will be misunderstood sometimes but then every now and then I realised that there is a group that heard me beyond my literal voice, they hear my heart and that kept growing and growing over the years.
Then I realised I was called to a particular people, not to everybody. I was tailor-made to be a voice to particular people across the globe and I have not looked back since.

Now back to the gentleman at the reception who commented about my commanding voice…I chose to ignore because I needed my energy for the people I am tailor made for. For the people who are and will be grateful that I inhabit the earth….there’s work to do, there is a legacy to leave and the work sometimes can be daunting so I chose to rest so I can have the energy to war more purposefully another day.

To that girl or woman who is always being taunted for having a powerful, commanding voice and a very intimidating presence, remember you didnt create yourself. God in his infinite wisdom chose to create you this way and we both know He had a reason for creating each of us with our beautiful differences and uniqueness. I hope you never lose your voice and great persona, diminishing yourself because of people who cannot grasp the greatness that is you.

Remember, you are tailor-made for a people whose destinies are tied to yours. This is not entirely about you. You needed to be the way you are to be able to fulfill your God given purpose. Don’t loose your essence, keep overcoming so that you can use that powerful voice and ‘intimidating’ persona for good.

Hugs to all my #TooLoud, #TooKnown, #TooMuch ladies out there….keep using your voice for good.

#OwnYourBeing #YoureMadeForMore #DontLooseYourEssence #PursuePurpose #UseYourvoiceForGood
#TheExecutiveLifeCoach

Sometimes in the pursuit of big things, we loose sight of the magic in the little things.

I watched an episode of Mama Iyanla doing her thing recently and the simplicity of the moment she was creating for these wonderful but wounded young men is something I could never describe fully with words. These young men, brothers came from dysfunction. They had not known the love, warmth and pure serenity of family life as children and even as adults. It was evident they love each other dearly and had built what they had with the little they knew. Honestly I was fascinated by their story and sheer strength of the human spirit to survive anything.

These young men, sat at the dining table together at the kitchen, whilst Mama Iyanla hovered over them lovingly, feeding them breakfast. With a closer look you will realize she was feeding them more than breakfast. She was feeding that deep part in their souls that was neglected as children. Oh and were they there for it. Men are taught to mask their emotions so it was pure joy for me to watch these young men being unashamedly vulnerable and drinking all the mothering attentiveness in. There was a spread of food, they were spoiled for choice, they ate not like a people starving from food, they ate keeping their eyes on Mama Iyanla as people starving of a mother’s love, and peaceful togetherness and grabbing this opportunity to experience it and soak it all in. I teared up. I teared up because this is someone’s normal. Some of us cannot begin to imagine how just being together, hanging out with mum, being silly, enjoying her warmth and eating what she’s prepared can be a big deal because that is our everyday reality. A reality we take for granted.

I found myself impulsively praying for them, the brothers who came to Iyanla to try and fix their family. For the first time since I started watching her, I committed to praying for those young men. I might never meet them but I know the power of prayer and I know how far that can go. He will randomly place people in their path who will continue the work Iyanla started until their whole.

All this because parents dropped the ball on their duty. Lovely young men with beautiful minds, so intelligent and articulate but hurting and bleeding badly underneath, remnants of neglectful parents. But I loved the fight I saw in them, the desire to heal so they can be better. The courage the exhibited through the willingness to work through the toughest issues.

The next time you get the chance to just hang with your amazing Dad or mum, keep in mind, there are 5 brothers across the ocean, many in our neighborhoods and across the world who would give an arm to have a loving, nurturing relationship with their parents.

 

@Copyright Emefa Gadze 27/03/2019

 

Featured picture: Iyanla fix my life

 

Greying Gracefully

Ever since I started spotting a few gray hairs in my hair, I have realised how much our society reacts to things as very insignificant as grey hairs!
 
I feel completely incredulous at people’s reaction when I read the surprise in their eyes when I let them know how much I love them :)) seriously I really love my grey hairs and don’t intend to dye them.
 
Our  impressions and things we take in as children really has a great impact on us. One of the very first things I remember about my grandmother was her grey hair. For as long as I could remember as a child, she had really beautiful, natural and healthy long white hair. I used to play with it a lot especially when I had to plait it for her. Those are my favorite memories of her. I remember vividly how all pure grey the hair was; not reddish grey and I absolutely loved it! I guess I made my promise then that if I ever start greying, I would not dye it black so that I could have the same kind of hair in the end; pure white not reddish white.
 
To my complete suprise, the subtle pressure to dye is enormous….because of the kind of person I am, I might try to dye it a different colour not a crazily loud one though…I see myself doing a bit of a wine tint or a some highlights just to jazz up things a bit…..but to constant dye the hair black at a new growth……naaa not for me…not for now…maybe never…duno…at this point all I know is that I am loving my grey hair no matter the feedback I am getting…..:-))
 
I have realised what a gift it is to love your body at every stage in life. I believe we as women have the power to resist the pressure to conform to media images. Lets aim for a healthy, well-balanced, fulfilled life instead of working ourselves into a frenzy trying to fit into an image God never intended for us.
 
This is not to discredit those who have chosen the other path…my utmost respect to you since this is a personal choice.
 
I am out!
 
Enjoy a very blessed and fruitfull week!
Emefa