Hope

Hope

When we lose hope we become easy prey for oppressors: both physical and spiritual.

My prayer for us all in this season is that God grants us the grace and inner strength to continuously be hopeful no matter what.

That we create communities where when we feel hopeless, we will be lifted by the hope we see in others. Hope has been the Single factor that has pulled many out of unthinkable situations to places of complete liberation and rest.

Let’s acknowledge the pain, hurt, confusion, and the feelings of helplessness/hopelessness; release those and be intentional at guarding our hope.

Hope creates the foundation we need to build what we want to see. Hope enables us to see. Hope enables us to dream. Hope enables us to identify the good. Hope enables us to see stinking situations as manure that can be used to fertilize and realize a beautiful dream.

Hope keeps the atmosphere open and ready for the manifestation of what might seem impossible. Hope enables us to keep taking care of ourselves and putting one foot forward after another because in our minds eye we can see a better tomorrow so we stay preparing for it so that once what our mind sees manifests, we can be in a good place to step fully into it to play our part with excellence.

Hopefull people never lose. Refuse to lose by being quietly or loudly hopeful. Guard against surrendering to hopelessness… It spirals quickly into something else. Even though you can’t see it or feel it hope is been an age old powerful force responsible for creating powerful positive shifts in people, places and situations that were otherwise hopeless.

Never underestimate the power of hope. After you have done all… stand in quiet/loud hope.

RefuseToLose #StandingInQuietHope #Unstoppable #ItsMyBeautifulSeason #ItsYourBeautifulSeason #ItsABeautifulSeason

Why Is The Responsible Parent The One We Choose To Shame?

 

Our society’s attempt to shame single mums especially divorced and never married mums is laughable to say the least!

People get shocked when you present yourself as a proud and happy single mum. Why should I bow my head in shame when God in His infinite wisdom chose to entrust a whole human being in my care?

Why should I be ashamed for finding the courage to birth my child in my unmarried state, in a so judgemental society!? Why should I be ashamed for choosing Life for my child/children?

Why should I be the one who should be ashamed for walking out of an abusive marriage?

Why should I be the one who should be ashamed for being divorced by a man who felt I wasn’t good enough for him despite me putting my all into it?

Why should I be the one who should be ashamed even though I bear 70 to 100% of providing and raising these gifts of children to be fruitful and decent human beings?

Why should I be the one who should bow my head in shame when most often than not, I’m the responble parent?

Why are you so shocked I am not ashamed to wear the Crown of being a single mom/parent with great pride and joy?

Do you want me to be ashamed of my child/children?

Do you know what I have survived? Do you know that the very thought that I’m alive, sane and thriving sends joy like a river coursing through my whole being?

Do you know that I’m a pillar in society?

Do you know that I have raised and continue to raise amazing men and women who are pillars of societies around the world?

Do you know that I have singlehandedly raised sons who are amazing husbands and fathers even though they did not have fathers themselves?

How dare you stigmatise me to perpetuate the stereotype views about Single moms/parents?

Do you have a clue, the sleepless nights I had to endure to raise these heroes and heroines?

Do you have a clue the village that worked tirelessly to ensure I got my confidence and strength back after I fell flat on my face many times along the way?

Does it make sense to shame the responsible ones who stay and raise the children and hail the irresponsible fathers who abandon ship…. well because they can and we have empowered them by our coddling silence to can?

Being surprised at my confidence and pride of being a single mum, is asking me to be ashamed of my child/children. It is asking me to diminish the sacrifice I put in to raise them. It is asking me to devalue the inputs of my village and I cannot do that.

I’m thankful for my journey. I’m thankful for joy, peace, strength and wisdom. I’m thankful for my village who lift us up daily. I’m thankful to the Almighty God for His peace and many blessings. I’m thankful because abundance is coming my/our way in many forms.

Maybe just maybe you are the one who needs to interrogate your conscience and bow your head in shame?

My reflections on the Eisenhower Fellowship Africa Conference which took place in Kigali, Rwanda from 14th to 16th June 2019

It was a very insightful experience at the just ended EFA2019.  It was exciting to be part of discussions focusing on moving the continent forward but the question remains will the human capital needed to implement all the laudable ideas will be able to have the emotional, psychological and mental fortitude needed in addition to all the other skills to push forward such laudable agendas?

Currently the statistics of young people in Africa is 70% below the age of 21.  What are the experiences of these young people?  How many of them have stable homes as strong foundations?  How many of these young people have positive, impactful father figures to guide them in their daily lives or to help them navigate interesting life situations? Speaking to delegates and fellows at the just ended EFA2019 made it crystal clear that we have a social crises looming on our continent; they all spoke about the rampant problem of irresponsible fatherhood in their respective countries. My work with Single Parents Families in my country Ghana, coupled with all the stories from the other delegates confirms the fact that, we have a fatherhood crises looming in Africa and we need strategic intentional steps to tackle the issue.

Granted there are many wonderful fathers and father figures who are doing amazing work but the numbers are woefully low and beggars more attention in this area.  Africa has in a total of the last 50 or more years in different parts, have had many pockets of civil wars causing political instability in many countries across the globe. Many families were scattered as a result of these wars and many fathers lost their lives. Family life as they knew it was disrupted, leaving behind its trail a number of fatherless, orphaned and traumatised young people in their wake whose only memory of life as they knew it in their formative years is chaos.  Then there is the category that is orphaned because their parents died during the confusion of the HIV Aids epidemic outbreak when there was so much misinformation and an absence of the antiretroviral drugs in the beginning and many people as a result died leaving behind their children.  Not too long ago Ebola also wiped out many parents who left behind orphaned children.

The extended family system as we knew it is fast disappearing.  The stability of the extended family system which provided a safety net and a sense of belonging to children in situations as I described above is not as dependable anymore due to harsh economic realities and the influence of western cultures, many people nowadays tend to focus on their nuclear families.  This means that, the young people who hitherto had the guardianship of Uncles, Grandfathers and other elders in the family who had oversight over them are now left to their own devices and are left to ‘raise’ themselves leading to the rise in child homelessness and streetism.

Irresponsible fatherhood is also on the increase due to many factors, either fathers are ill equipped or they are running away from responsibility, to just plain abandoning their children after their relationship with the mothers go south.  In a recent rough survey I did to access the situation of fathers who remain in the lives of their children after a breakup, it turns out about 70% of fathers just abandon ship.  What this means is that the mothers are left to single-handedly raise these children, most of the time without any family support or social protection.  This becomes a big drain on the overall wellbeing and wholeness on mothers raising these children as they strive to provide, financial, emotional, moral, educational, etc support for themselves and their children.  Thankfully there are many success stories as some of these mothers raise really fine children. But it cannot be denied that many of these children fall through the cracks and do not thrive the way they would have, had they had strong support systems and guidance.

The ripple effects of irresponsible fatherhood is felt by everyone from the child to the mother, the community, the countries and eventually the continent.  We lose out on the full participation of everyone because human capital which could have been harnessed for development is labouring under the burden of providing for her children and most often than not does not have any more energy left to contribute to the larger society the way she would have had her circumstances been less dire.

For the development agenda of the African continent to succeed in this era and beyond, we cannot afford but to start having conversations surrounding strengthening the family systems in a way that will create a more stable and productive society. We will need deliberate and strategic steps to tackle this issue.  For instance, I found out that Rwanda as a way of integrating young people and children orphaned by the war into the society, adopted a system where these children were assimilated into families so they can have a sense of family and belonging.

We will need to look at existing policies in our countries, update and implement them to bring irresponsible fathers to book.  We can initiate conversations in our communities and at a national level that urge capable father figures to step in as mentors to the children who need it.  We also need to build the capacity of the single parent families by making available resources such as, appropriate conflict resolution that allows those who can, to successfully co-parent, counselling and therapy services to positively boost their mental and emotional health, skills development and training and other resources as may be needed per demography to help them raise well-balanced children because the state should have a vested interest in these children because they are the ones who will drive the next level development agenda of Africa.

Putting in place a fatherhood movement where fathers’ capacity are built to understand their role as fathers and the impact the neglect of this all important role has on both the nuclear family, community and the overall development agenda of Africa. This is important because of the gap that was created by family disruptions through wars, disease, economic situations etc, there is a generation of fathers now who were fatherless themselves and so just do not have the idea of how to be responsible dads.

For the African continent to be able to implement all the beautiful ideas discussed at the just ended #EFA2019 and thrive, we cannot continue to have development discussions without a focus on the family system and the way the next generation is being parented, and the effect the neglect is having on their psyche and their total well-being and how that is going to inform their decision making which will largely affect the future of Africa.

The current state of affairs is not sustainable and constitutes violence against women and children as the burden is left solely on the mothers to raise the future of Africa, which tells on their overall well-being and wholeness. The children are also deprived of having the positive influence of fathers and many of whom end up being raised in financial and relational poverty.

What, then, must we do about this? The first step is to acknowledge that we have a problem and to shed the persistent cultural indifference to the father absence issue that we have on the continent. We must by all means continue the discussions on business, technology, intra-trade, future of work, but also be intentional at bringing to the table, social issues surrounding the family which are critical to affecting the success of the implementation of the development agenda regards the future of Africa. It will be detrimental to the future of Africa if we neglect to address the issue of the ever increasing single parent homes and what has become the legacy of irresponsible fatherhood and fatherlessness; it has the high probability of affecting our ability to develop our full potential as a continent due to its ripple effects.

Let’s bear in mind that a society is only as strong and vibrant as its people and families.

Emefa Gadze – EFA2019 Delegate

Founder, Single Parents Support Network (Accra, Ghana)

16th July 2019

 

An Inheritance or a Paycheck: Which one do you prefer?

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.

Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward and that master you are serving is Christ. Col. 3:23-24 (NLT)

Whatever maybe your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as (something done for the Lord not for men; knowing (with certainty) that is from the Lord (and not from men) that you will receive the inheritance which is your (real) reward. (The one whom) you are actually serving (is) the Lord Christ (the Messiah). Col. 3:23-24 (AMP)

Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters. And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work. Col. 3:23-24 (MSG)

My favorite is the MSG version, phew God’s standards are sure high! Sometimes when I read the bible I say to myself, this is a hard saying, who can bear J but I remember that God is the one who gives us power to become children of God. Which means we are unable to obey His word by our own strength unless we are willing and surrendered, then he empowers us to obey Him.

That being said, the reality is some work environments are just toxic. The in-thing in most places is most businesses and organisations are more concerned about the bottom line than the people who work for them. This leaves room for abuse because whoever can work the system by ‘whatever’ means gets to win.

This message is for those who have done their homework well. You are abreast with happenings in your area of expertise and then some.  You have upgraded yourself such that the only thing you have not done yet is a PhD! You are diligent in your work, working well with the right attitude and excellently. You have prayed, fasted, sent out several applications, attended interviews in the hope to change jobs yet nothing positive comes up.  It looks like your life sentence is just working smart and hard whiles watching other people who seem not to be putting in much effort reap the rewards.  You have spoken up several times about this to your supervisors and HR and you get full assurance that you will be sorted yet you keep being overlooked all the time for promotion.

Interestingly, you have become an institution J (no pun intended!) for training people who are strategically placed and eventually move into more rewarding positions.  In the meantime, your 40ft containers full of prophesies of your impending breakthroughs are exploding at the seams.  God has even confirmed to you personally several times that He will do it.  Amazingly, you stand in the gap for other people regarding the same issue and like magic things fall into pleasant places for them.

In my Christian walk I have come to believe that even though the word of God sounds FOOLISH most times, when you brace yourself and obey, the rewards are mind-blowing. A sister-friend of mine always says that God is a show-man and I have personally experienced that truth in my life; He is indeed a showman. I can say without reservation that if you are an obedient Christian, there is no way you will lose out. Even if what you believed God for does not materialize in your lifetime, generations after you in your bloodline will enjoy the good seeds you are sowing today.

I know generational thinking is not very popular in this era, we want everything and we want it now but really when you think about it which one is better, great paycheck with super position and benefits or a lovely inheritance from our Lord Jesus Christ who has the whole world with its riches in His hands? You be the judge.

He might even choose to pleasantly surprise you with both the great paycheck with super position and benefits and a lovely inheritance. He is God and sovereign so after you have done all my brothers and sisters just stand. Your labour will NEVER be in vain. He is super faithful.

Hugs to all who are feeling unappreciated/unrewarded/invincible/ in the workplace.

Have a rewarding day!

Emefa Gadze