Author: Emefa Gadze

I am an Executive Life Coach, Speaker and Retreats Director and Founder of Single Parents Support Network. I help Compassionate leaders and Single Parents who are multipliers to experience Holistic Success. I am a visionary, cyclebreaker and change agent who challenges the status quo and influences decision makers to make shifts that are beneficial to both societies/communities/organisations and families. I live in Accra, Ghana with my amazing son, Korkoe and I love writing, nature, music, dancing, laughter, quiet spaces and deep conversations. I have a deep desire to travel the world to see all the beautiful places and meet wonderful people. You can follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn @CoachEmefaGadze . Kindly follow Single Parents Support Network at https://web.facebook.com/SPSN100 to get informed and involved our work with Single Parent Families

My 3 Gifts For The New Year

It’s a new year! The positivity around the new year is exhilarating! The heart-warming wishes as we wish everyone, even strangers a Happy New Year, going as far as pronouncing blessings is a beautiful experience I never tire of experiencing. Oh.. how I wish we could freeze those moments and replicate them throughout the year. Since I am unable to freeze those happy, joyous moments and make them last, I am gifting you with 3 things that has the ability to keep your energy positive and your heart smiling through the year.

My first gift is, have a vision. Vision according to Merriam-Webster dictionary is the ‘act of power of imagination’. It needs you to create a vivid mental image of how you want your life to be in all aspects. Transfer this vivid imagery you have into writing and ultimately create a vision board, hang it at a place where you can see it every day to remind you of what you need to be focusing on. This simple process if done right has the power to shift your life in the direction you desire and helps you thrive.

Invest in your well-being is my second gift to you. This is a very fundamental but often neglected aspect of our lives. We wear many hats and it is next to impossible to fully blossom if we are not intentional about pouring back into ourselves. We get hurt, disappointed, in some cases devastated and wounded in the course of living life, and same seriousness we give to physical wounds, it is important we give to invisible ones as well to ensure we heal properly. Healing well keeps us supple, hopeful, positive and powerful. How do we sustainably pour into ourselves in the face of so many demands on our time, energy and other resources? We need to;

Prioritise your spiritual practice to develop/strengthen your personal relationship with God.
Create a Personal Value System.
Build a team of experts around you who help you navigate life’s complexities

My third and final gift is fall in love with Gratitude. Being intentional at identifying all our blessings has the ability to positively revolutionise our lives. Gratitude journaling helps us to focus on the good. I suggest you get a beautiful journal for this practice; identify at least 5 things that you are grateful for daily. This also serves as a magnet that keeps attracting all the good things you are grateful for to keep flowing into your life because what we focus on grows and what we starve dies.

I believe strongly that by unwrapping these 3 gifts; having a vision, investing in your well-being and falling in love with gratitude you will set yourself up intentionally to flourish in this season and beyond!

Twenty Nuggets for Transitional Seasons

Twenty Nuggets For Transitional Seasons.

Transitions are normal occurences in life. Everybody goes through them even if they arent aware of it.

The difference is the intensity and the circumstances you find yourself in. Not all transitions are because of bad happenings. Some actually are because you finally manifested your dreams, God answered your prayers, you leveled-up, your children left home to pursue the beginning of adulthood, you are a newlywed, emigrated to another country, changed careers etc

Then there are the horrible ones, death, illness, loss, bankruptcy, disfunction, war, etc.

One common denominator is grief. Oh there can be joy and grief at the same time because of many factors.

Transitions can be bittersweet, some can be downright horrible and feeling like you will never come out the other side. No light seems apparent at the end of the tunnel.

In the midst of all this pay attention.

Pay attention to your thoughts. Pay attention to your words…your thoughts and words have power.
Pay attention to your dreams, vision and goals. Keep them in mind. Keep dreaming, dreams are for free. Dull out the noise and focus.
Pay attention to your energy. Protect it. You will need all of you to be able to get through.
Pay attention to people and how they handle you in such seasons. Transitional seasons are sifting seasons. They present the rare gift of knowing who is who…ie who is a real one and who isnt. This is because people have a way of relating to people they think they will never need.
Isolation is necessary to keep the noise out to enable you have clarity but beware of overdoing it. We are relational beings.
Ask for help, pray for help and pay for help
Never give in to shame…shame is a prison. You are not the first person to have hit rock bottom. You are not the first person struggling to adjust to a new season of blessing. The examples of those who survived and thrived are too numerous to count.
It is a pause not a fullstop. Believe it with all of you.
Pay attention to the lessons. They are priceless. Many people have churned out books and numerous projects from valley and transitional seasons.
Journal like your life depends on it.
Pray, cry, laugh, dance, hope. Hold on to hope. Take walks, rest, be in nature…its restorative.
Offer people grace. Not everyone has the capacity needed to handle you well during this season.
When you ask for help and you get a no, note that though it might not feel like it, NO is redirection not rejection.
Transitional seasons are lonely seasons. You are navigating the unfamiliar, you need new muscle which you are now building….I mean mental and emotional capacity. You are experiencing life in a way that you might not have the words to express it yet. You might not have the capacity to embrace people the way you used to. You will be misunderstood because of it. Make peace with it.
Transitional seasons are shedding seasons. To survive and eventually thrive you will need to shed the old in order to have the capacity to embrace the new. Shed, old mindsets, habits, behaviours, routines, people. Every weight must go.
You will be the most vulnerable in this season. Make space for your vulnerability. No matter how strong you are you will need someone to hold space for you. Singles and those in lonely unions beware you do not fall in any reckless hands during this season, bearing in mind when you are hungry every food looks delicious.
Anchor yourself in hope. I cant emphasise this enough.
Find a seasoned counselor, coach, mentor, therapist to guide you.
Pay attention to the positives and celebrate them.
It might not make any sense now, but it will all make sense with time.

All things are working together for your good.

cyclebreakers #SingleParents #CompassionateLeaders #Transitions #Growth #ItsABeautifulSeason #Unstoppable

There is Purpose in Your Pain. There is sense in the seeming and obvious chaos in your life.

For some reason I woke up this morning thinking about Mr. Pierre(not his real name) who was a manager at one of the places I worked several years ago. He was efficient, effective and on top of his job at all times and very pleasant to work with. You know the kind of senior person in any organization you like to bump into during the work day because they exude what I call ‘pleasant’. He was not full of himself. His position did not get to his head: he just handled his role in such a way that enhanced work flow. He was young, focused, committed and fun to work with. But…. his desk was always a mess! He thrived better with a a messy desk.

I personally wondered how he got anything done so efficiently in such a chaotic atmosphere.

The fun part is, anytime he went on leave, the GM at the time who was an older man(who probably saw Mr. Pierre like his recalcitrant son) will ask one of us to go organize his desk anytime he went on his annual vacation. I guess it was to ease his own frustrations and anxiety at having to endure this messy desk for the most part of the year that he couldn’t resist the desire to have one month of an orderly desk.

This means anytime Mr. Pierre returned to the office, he was triggered bad! He will throw his arms in frustration, pass his hands through his hair several times and cuss unprintable things in French. When he is able to calm down he will say as many times as possible that ‘there’s perfect sense in this mess for me. I know where everything is and now you’ve messed up everything!’

To be frank with you we held our breath, giggled amongst ourselves and patiently waited for what will ensue the minute he stepped foot into his office… It was a very interesting thing to observe.

– [ ] You might be wondering where is Emefa going with this today? I’m here to reassure you that there’s sense in the seeming and obvious chaos in your life. If you are able to breathe through it, keeping an open mind, putting one foot in front of the other,doing the inner work necessary, pray through it, cry your heart out as many as you times as it becomes necessary, refusing to quit on life, it will all make sense in due course.

If you are a person of faith, who has a deep unshakeable trust in God, nothing you’re going through will be wasted. All things, the good the bad and the ugly is working out for your good.

I pray for inner strength for you. What the Bible calls ‘might in the inner man’ in your process, your life’s journey because whether you recognize it or not, you’re being custom built for the purpose you’ve been called to serve.

No matter how ridiculously messy your situation looks or is right now ‘there’s sense in the mess’. Trust the process and believe.

Life Happens In Seasons

Life happens in seasons. Always believe for the best even if there is no sign in sight that what you are believing for is possible. Do not let age, your background, present challenges and seeming obstacles prevent you from having a vision and dreaming dreams bigger than you.

Do not let naysayers keep your mind in a negative place. Keep believing. Start to work towards what you are believing for. Be willing to look like a fool to some people. Dream, dream, dream, dream, because dreams are for free. Be willing to evolve into the person you need to be to achieve those dreams.

Normalise being misunderstood and have the courage to embrace all the discomforts that come with evolving. Create the space in your mind and every aspect of your life that is necessary to accommodate that big vision and dream.

You will question yourself along the way….that’s normal in such moments go back to your why and keep your focus on it.

Be intentional at enjoying the journey in each season. There’s always something positive and beautiful in each season, train yourself to identify and not miss the beautiful moments.

Be gracious to people who misunderstand your journey, you alone can understand your vision in a certain way, make peace with that.

Most importantly, remember to breathe along the way. Life is not a collection of incessant projects, it’s to be savored, cherished, lived to its fullest.

When your heart is breaking, let it break beautifully, grieve fully, wholly, grieving is part of living. Sometimes it’s an indication that you’ve been blessed to know a certain depth of love that many can only dream of. Other times it could be that your worth has been trampled on… the beauty in this is the ability to be aware that you are worthy of more beauty, love, goodness, greatness and all things amazing. As simple as this looks I’ve come to realize that not many people are intrinsically aware of how worthy they are.

No matter what life throws at you, I hope you never lose focus on your dreams; that you find the courage to evolve at all times as often as needed to fully manifest them.

Finally when disaster strikes I hope you are surrounded by so much love in all its forms and that you have the ability to embrace it in a way that allows your heart to start healing.

Pause. Reflect. Breathe. Live.

With love always

Emefa.

The Great Disconnect

For a while now I’ve been burdened by the disconnect that is deep within the Christian faith and how we relate with the world around us.

One of my favorite Bible study times in church a few years ago centered around being billboards for Christ. What I learnt in that season still lives within me. It guides me in how I relate to people and respond to situations. Do I get it right all the time, no but there is a deliberate conscious intention to live my life in such a way that communicates the love of Christ to people I encounter in life.

It’s been with great discomfort in the pit of my belly that I watch in horror how many of us who profess Christ are the vilest towards people and very worldly when it comes to day to day situations.

I thought to bring this gentle reminder that once we profess Christ, it’s important to understand that love is very fundamental of the faith we’ve committed to. This means, our personal opinions take back seat. This commitment to Christ is surrendering what you think love is and being open to understanding what His love is.

Two prayers that help me navigate life:

Father, teach me how to love this person. If they are people in my inner circle I pray… Please show me their love language.

In sticky situations where it’s not obviously black and white, I pray

Father show me what to do in this situation that reflects you. Help me be your billboard.

God is love. That is the summary of the big Bible we carry back and forth. The conclusion of it all is love. Accepting God’s unconditional love allowing it to fill all the spaces and places where we need it the most. Surrendering our personal perception of what we think love is. Allowing this tremendous love to transform us daily and mirroring it back to the world around us.

It’s disheartening to see that usually the people who are most brutal in comment sections over issues, when you go and check their profile is speaking about God and their faith in Christ.

The corruption happening in places all around the world is committed by people who profess faith in Christ.

The oppression of the poor, the injustices against minorities, the racial and tribal bigotry, the abuse of women, children and sometimes men… .. All the evils is perpetuated by people who do it in the name of God.

The way we look down on single mums especially some of our church spaces, the way we have categories for them….the most respected are widows, then divorces because they’ve been married before so at least they are honorable. Then in another breath, we judge them for leaving their marriages, as for the women who have babies out of wedlock(aka baby mamas), they and their children are the least embraced and respected.

The hierarchy we’ve allotted to sin. Sin is sin, there’s no hierarchy to it. Lying, cheating, pornography, adultery, dishonesty, being a bully a general lack of integrity in how we operate in life are all on the same level.

The way we treat women even in Church spaces is so appalling. These are people created in the image of God but whose abuse stems from the wrong teachings and interpretations we’ve given the scriptures just to feed our egos.

The disconnect is so wide we cannot relate to people the way Christ did whilst on earth so we have created meaningless traditions to make us feel like we are doing things right.

I must say a few of us get it right, but many of us are completely in the way of the gospel reaching hearts because we’ve become a stumbling block through our actions and inactions

One of the places I’ve felt most loved is in Church and it’s the same space I’ve been most wounded because of the ignorance that people who should know better are committed to spewing and acting out.

We cannot continue this way. We are humans so we will not get it right all the time, but it’s important to at least make an effort to commit to reflecting the unconditional love of Christ as we have freely received it.

If you started you don’t know what that looks like, look at yourself, see how God has embraced you fully inspite of all your failings and extend the same grace to another.

It’s not in the abundance of scripture we regurgitate and forward in groups and try to shove down people’s throat; it is how deliberate we are in showing that overwhelming reckless love of God to ALL people without bias.

Pray to God to show you where the disconnect is in your life and how you’ve related to people and situations around you and ask Him to show you how to do it differently going forward and He will show you.

Let us be deliberate about being the billboards for Christ in showing His love in all spaces. It’s only when we go deep in our personal relationship with Christ, embrace His love for us fully, that we will have the capacity to show that same love to ALL people.

Embracing God’s unconditional love for us fully is at the root of #LovingYourselfExtravagantly. It is only when you have that extraordinary love within your heart that you can extend it in its entirerity to others.

Lets commit to knowing better so we can do and be better.

Happy Sunday!

PS:Kindly do a personal study of the whole chapter of 1Cor.13 for more insight

As the pandemic rages and clearly exhausted leaders around the world find ways to grapple with it, I am just filled with much gratitude to all categories of people who have helped us visibly and in the background to stay afloat and hopeful.

I have found great comfort in gleaning so much wisdom from preachers in this season as almost all preaching is online. I have been incredibly blessed by my own church family and our community online. The dedication and commitment of these pastors and church workers who are also going through the same season as we are is heartwarming. They are doing this whiles dealing with their own personal fears, challenges, and losses in this where there’s been so many loss of lives and the future uncertain. This genuine ones continue to stay committed to the welfare of their congregants.

These churches do not only feed the spirit some serve as buffer for people who need community support for whatever they might be enduring at this time. Some do grocery deliveries to those who need it the most.

Medical professionals, Healthcare workers and all people who work at hospitals have been overworked, put their families at risk, lost their own lives, died living devastated families and orphaned children. This group have worked in harsh conditions where PPES are not available or not sufficient for the influx of Covid-19 cases. They are constantly exhausted, depressed and at their wits end especially in environments where their efforts at saving lives are not supported which relevant policy and the availability of resources.

Mental health professionals, counselors and healers have seen a surge in providing support for many people as the isolation, chaos, fear, uncertainty of what the future holds have kept people triggered, opened hidden wounds and caused clients to nerd more support at this time.

Marriage counselors/therapist have been called on more now than ever as marriages are in need of attention as many couples have been forced to confront issues they usually sweep under the carpet if they want their marriages to last.

Family life lawyers are in demand as many couples have had to face the reality of ending bad marriages.

Comedians and people who provide comic and goodnews providers online have become a favorite as people seek temporary relief from the dire day to day realities.

Coaching is in demand as many people are seeking direction in pivoting their businesses online, navigating professional and personal lives or staying focused on their goals. As lockdowns and isolation increase, many have had to reach out to coaches for guidance at negotiating the online dating space to find love.

Funeral services providers have been inundated by the sheer demands of their services.

Musicians and various creative artists have played their roles in keeping moral high providing us temporary escapes.

Corporate leaders and other leaders in the world of work some who have already had let go of their employees, bearing the burden that their families will be gravely affected. Many have sleepless nights trying to figure out ways to keep their organizations afloat and profitable so they do not have to let go people.

Teachers, school administrators and educators around the world who have to keep their students engaged online. Other teachers don’t even have the tools so have to use other creative means to reach their students. The ones who are back in person school inspite of their fear of exposure to the virus

I am sure there are many more category of people I have not covered in this post. What is common among this category of people is they are not immune to the pandemic themselves yet are extending themselves to ensure that their constituents have some relief.

I join the many who have gone before me to say thank you for using your gifts, platforms, time to do your uplift us all.

I see your efforts and our world inspite of a pandemic is better for it.

I invite you not to neglect yourself in the process of taking care of the world around you. Its important you focus on your selfcare too which is an integral part of selflove. As much as I am celebrating you, I’m also asking that you don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm. We need you to stay healthy and safe because you are priceless and the world needs more of you alive, sane and well.

What is disturbing about ‘Love Your Neighbour As Yourself’

I have been thinking about this scripture so much lately and what it means regards human relations in every area of our lives.

We casually throw this statement about but it’s one that is very deep and multi-faceted.

I have been guilty of touting this as the best way of navigating relationships as well. So why the sudden change. It struck me that ‘love your neighbour as yourself’ is a major reason why the problem of dysfunctional relationships exist.

The very statement assumes that everyone has mastery in loving themselves in a healthy way; which we know is not the case in many cases.

Having a healthy selflove is rooted in the ability of being self-aware. Self awareness requires that you are aware of your strengths and weaknesses which enables you to draw healthy boundaries, and practice effective self-leadership as a result. When you are aware of what your make up is, it enables you to know how to nourish yourself which is part of self love.

Once you stay loving yourself in the way you need to uniquely consistently, you navigate life refreshed, full and overflowing in your spirit, soul, mind and body. Its only then that a person can extend what is already overflowing in them to another because people can only give what they have.

Making time to get to know yourself to know how to love yourself is a sign of self- worthiness . It is when we are awakened to the fact that we are worthy that we become intentional at selflove. And more often than not, people who live from a place of worthiness are able to place priceless value on another human being and love them as much as they love themselves.

Bottom line, more often than not the way we show love to people is a reflection on how we love ourselves and our sense of worthiness.

How are you loving your neighbour in this season of your life? What does that say about you?

Our Thoughts Create Our World

One thing I am incredibly thankful for in this interesting season is my new found love for gardening. It has been such a soothing, fulfilling and learning experience for me . Apart from the fact that I just love the smell of earth and fascinated by all the hidden lessons in planting and reaping, its become a place to quiet my thoughts, reset, think and pray.

I had always wanted to use the space at the back of the house for a a garden since I moved here some time ago but the busyness of life and me not prioritising it kept getting in the way then 2020 happened. We were under lock down; I decided it was now or never… so armed with my secondary school (high school) knowledge gained in agriculture class, I proceeded to get some help to prepare the space for planting.

We uprooted and planted 3 seedlings of plantain I had growing crowded and that summed up my whole garden. I will go back and admire my near empty garden space and think about all the other plants I want to see growing there. By the second week without me asking, one of my neighbours came with help in tow to ask me if he could help me plant cocoyams and okro in the garden. I was completely blown away by his generosity of time, money (he paid the young men for their time) and seeds. Whiles reflecting on this act of kindness shown me, I remembered how thoughts of growing plants I liked had consumed me for a while and just like that, I had manisfested what I had been thinking about.

Another incident that comes to mind happened just a few days ago. I had engaged a young man to help me pull out weeds from the garden. As we worked together, I just thought it will be great if he moved further to another section of the garden and concentrated on that area while I also focus on the opposite end. I didn’t voice it out because I thought it was not necessary since the bottom line was I just needed the garden rid of weeds! I noticed a movement about a minute later, lifted my head to investigate just to see that the young man had moved to the specific section I had thought earlier will be great for him to move to. I was startled because I hadn’t voiced out anything but my thoughts had once again created the reality. I shook my head, smiled to myself…amazed.

Like me I am sure many of you have experienced countless happenings like that in our lives. That is why its important that we guard our thoughts and intentionally direct them to what what we want to see manifest in our lives. How do we do that? Certainly by not surpressing them! On the contrary allowing them to flow examining their roots, also asking ourselves whether those thoughts will enventually help us manifest our personal master plans/visions. That is how we can identify which ones are aligned and the ones are arent.

Secondly, it is important that we are mindful of the thoughts we allow to take root in our minds because that eventually becomes our reality.

Finally lets also become mindful about the people we surround ourselves with, who speak into our lives because small minds have never been known to birth great things. So as this new week begins, ask yourself the following;

What do you want to see happening in your life?
What thoughts are you entertaining and focused on?
Why are you focused on those thoughts?
Do they align with where you want to go or see happening in your life?
Who are you allowing to influence your thoughts?
What can you do differently to practice aligning your thoughts to your goals?

As everyday is an opportunity to begin afresh, may we all be conscious of the fact that our thoughts are truly powerful and have the creative ability to transform our world.

Hope

When we lose hope we become easy prey for oppressors: both physical and spiritual.

My prayer for us all in this season is that God grants us the grace and inner strength to continuously be hopeful no matter what.

That we create communities where when we feel hopeless, we will be lifted by the hope we see in others. Hope has been the Single factor that has pulled many out of unthinkable situations to places of complete liberation and rest.

Let’s acknowledge the pain, hurt, confusion, and the feelings of helplessness/hopelessness; release those and be intentional at guarding our hope.

Hope creates the foundation we need to build what we want to see. Hope enables us to see. Hope enables us to dream. Hope enables us to identify the good. Hope enables us to see stinking situations as manure that can be used to fertilize and realize a beautiful dream.

Hope keeps the atmosphere open and ready for the manifestation of what might seem impossible. Hope enables us to keep taking care of ourselves and putting one foot forward after another because in our minds eye we can see a better tomorrow so we stay preparing for it so that once what our mind sees manifests, we can be in a good place to step fully into it to play our part with excellence.

Hopefull people never lose. Refuse to lose by being quietly or loudly hopeful. Guard against surrendering to hopelessness… It spirals quickly into something else. Even though you can’t see it or feel it hope is been an age old powerful force responsible for creating powerful positive shifts in people, places and situations that were otherwise hopeless.

Never underestimate the power of hope. After you have done all… stand in quiet/loud hope.

RefuseToLose #StandingInQuietHope #Unstoppable #ItsMyBeautifulSeason #ItsYourBeautifulSeason #ItsABeautifulSeason

Fear Is Not The Answer!

The majority of Earth citizens are now in a state of Fear. The planet has become silent, less planes in the air, less cars on the streets, no laughter to be heard, no new posts to read. Only a few trickle through.
Our governments have issued warnings, health guidelines and recommendations and more recently travel bans. Love ones and close friends are reaching out from near and far pretending to sound casual but their voice is different almost like a goodbye. Supermarket shelves are still full but we can hear talks of some preparing for the assault soon.
Some cancelling their trips, weddings and other celebrations. Some working remotely and others recoiling in their homes.
Some churches have stopped giving out communion, hugging and shaking hands. Even Holy water fountains has been emptied.

How long can we hold our breath for? Is this the new normal? Is this Pandemic teaching us to become unsociable and in a constant state of fear. Afraid to express our joys and not planning for a too distant future. Even some banks are only giving out short loans now, just in case you don’t make it
This is the stuff Hollywood has thrilled us with for decades with films like World war Z and 2012 just to name a couple.

Yes, casualties their will be, to the scale of these recent wars and bombings we have become desensitized to over the years. We change the channels so easily these days because it doesn’t really pertain to us. But this enemy is silent, invisible and non political.

Fear depletes our energy and immune system remember that

This is the time for Mindfulness, renewed Faith, Love, Kindness to others and Belief that we will get through this like we always do

We can do this 💚

By Billie Richardson

Billie is a Holistic Therapist very involved with the #ShiftThirveHub of the Single Parents Support Network – SPSN