I made a discovery a while ago that I am still trying to come to terms with. I had observed that in marriage, your partner can envy you for the privileges you enjoyed whiles growing up. I realized that this slowly grows into resentment of you especially if they had a difficult beginning and it forms a basis for them to judge you on everything you do.Some even go lengths to ensure your life is painful because of it. In their minds your life has been easy and they need to teach you what life is about.
During a discussion with a group of women, one person mentioned this issue, naturally I was curious to hear what others had to say, some of them had experienced it. I was surprised beyond words that what I had always suspected was actually real.
So I am putting it out there, it is absolutely ridiculous to envy your spouse’s growing up years and make it your mission to expose her to a harsh life because of that. I can’t even wrap my head around this. It’s ridiculous!
I’m sorry you had a rough childhood but your wife or partner is not the cause of it so why punish her?
Secondly I think both of you bring a set of strengths to the marriage via your experiences that can be a plus if you are able to overcome this ridiculousness.
I also realize envy is a very ugly spirit that rules our society and so maybe I should not be surprised it surfaced in marriage right?
People compete with each other in marriage. Some are envious of their partners successes and become resentful. In my opinion if you are married and your partner is doing well is it not a good thing? Especially if it is a good marriage and you are supporting each other to succeed. It is a good thing when wifey progresses and it is a good thing when hubby progresses or am I missing something? Sometimes progress happens to both of you at the same time. Other times it might happen at completely different times.
This envy business we carry everywhere, is sickening. I was stunned when many years ago a co-worker took me aside and said to me, ‘you see this person he is from a rich family, so does not know suffering and so does not respect anybody so don’t be nice to him.’ I just smiled and did exactly the opposite. I’m sorry but I don’t know how to be cruel to someone without cause.
People who grow up ‘privileged’ have issues too. Money is good. Money is able to solve a lot of ills but money doesn’t buy health, true love, healthy friendships and relationships and a whole lot of beautiful intangibles. S0 you meet someone that you think is privileged don’t hate on the person, just show kindness because everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. A battle that money cannot stop.
@Emefa Gadze, October 2017
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